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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Jokerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Geraldine
    ASL Info:    25
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 241/296/80
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 501
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880



    Description:
       He just keeps adding fuel to the fire!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Jokerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The skeletons in your closet,
    rattle noisely,
    sending whispers into the air,
    that only I can hear.

    The roads that you've walked,
    I have followed.
    The words you have spoken,
    I have repeated.

    I know the secrets,
    behind your tricks.
    You have showed me what's hidden,
    up your sleaves.

    Your joker face can't hide it.
    That painted smile,
    to hide that evil grin.
    Those gem-stone eyes,
    to hide your deceiptful intentions.
    My eyes can see right through you.

    Your sporatic words of truth,
    mean nothing.
    Your frequent words of lies,
    say it all.

    One of these days,
    your mask will come off,
    and they'll all see you,
    for what you really are...





    Submitted on 2005-06-09 10:28:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I actually thought this was quite good
    A unique description at least
    I think the first stanza might be a tad cliché though
    I don't know =0
    on a simple sidenote, it's sporadic I believe?
    Unless I am making a complete fool of myself.
    Anyways, this was a great write
    Sorry you didn't really like my new one, it was an old poem, so It isn't up to date
    Either way, you are my #1 fan, even if you are president of the club =p
    Big Bill-
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought that this was a very good piece and i do want to read more by you. keep it up. it does sound like a relationship problem or a big sister/ brother who the parents always think are innocent. i really like your work and i APPRETIATE it.

    love tina
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there. Nice poem, the first stanza really grabs the reader and drags them into the feel and mood of the piece, which is very important.

    The second was a tad lame, too easy road-followed, words-repeated, I'd like a bit more meat to chew on.

    The third was good, a confession of how you finally saw through the guile of love to the true person behind. small typo: s/be "sleeves"

    Stanza four braks the poem up nicely from its four-line format and gives it more of a freeline feel. I wouldn't have repeated "eyes" though.

    Fifth: Brilliant contradiction, I love it.

    The last one says it all, and winds the poem up well.

    Please realise that these crits are very minor and only suggestions, I really liked the poem in itself.
    Great job.

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      oh this was good...a lot of nice descriptions here and I really like the stanza where you address the person as a joker...so this was awesome...completely...good job.

    peace
    jazmine
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


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