Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swan Songdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toadslayer
    ASL Info:    35/Female/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 32/38/15
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1054
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 323



    Description:
       Life changes.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwan Songdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you see the space,
    where the words are not spoken?

    No eyes for you to read,
    and my presence of mind shaken.

    The roots to the core of my being,
    rotten and withering away.

    The remnants of my old life molting,
    a swan song in the midst of a new dawn.




    Submitted on 2005-06-09 11:39:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I received a note a long time ago saying something like this: "Be like the swan: cool and unruffled on the surface, but paddling hard underneath," which I still bear in mind whenever tough times come my way. I thought, when you used the 'swan' word for your title, you'd be talking about grace under pressure. But like the comments before me, it spoke more about a new life... shedding your old self in place of a new one. I enjoyed reading your piece very much, and I especially like the first two lines for an opening. Except I just couldn't see the connection between these lines to the last. The second two lines spoke to me as if you were having a writer's block or that some changes within you are underway. But nice choices of words and I really like 'em. :D
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Vangielyn | [ Reply to This ]
      it says rebirth to me more than anything. like the first part explains the pain and sorrow of giving up something from the recent past and the at the end it's like she's shrugging off the past and stepping into a new world. then i could just be crazy! Simplistic yet beautiful!

    Meow!
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
      it is a very confusinbg piece but i do like it. i'm not exactly sure why but i do. i hope to read more by you soon. keep up the great work.
    love
    tina
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know if you ARE wise, but this song reeks with wisdom, at least in the first 2 stanzas. You have an interesting way of showing bad (rotten, withering, life molting) and idilic (swan song, new dawn) motives.
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    62117

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry