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    dots Submission Name: Swan Songdots

    Author: Toadslayer
    ASL Info:    35/Female/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 32/38/15
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1083
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 323

       Life changes.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwan Songdots

    Can you see the space,
    where the words are not spoken?

    No eyes for you to read,
    and my presence of mind shaken.

    The roots to the core of my being,
    rotten and withering away.

    The remnants of my old life molting,
    a swan song in the midst of a new dawn.

    Submitted on 2005-06-09 11:39:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I received a note a long time ago saying something like this: "Be like the swan: cool and unruffled on the surface, but paddling hard underneath," which I still bear in mind whenever tough times come my way. I thought, when you used the 'swan' word for your title, you'd be talking about grace under pressure. But like the comments before me, it spoke more about a new life... shedding your old self in place of a new one. I enjoyed reading your piece very much, and I especially like the first two lines for an opening. Except I just couldn't see the connection between these lines to the last. The second two lines spoke to me as if you were having a writer's block or that some changes within you are underway. But nice choices of words and I really like 'em. :D
    | Posted on 2005-12-03 00:00:00 | by Vangielyn | [ Reply to This ]
      it says rebirth to me more than anything. like the first part explains the pain and sorrow of giving up something from the recent past and the at the end it's like she's shrugging off the past and stepping into a new world. then i could just be crazy! Simplistic yet beautiful!

    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by lynxstarfire | [ Reply to This ]
      it is a very confusinbg piece but i do like it. i'm not exactly sure why but i do. i hope to read more by you soon. keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know if you ARE wise, but this song reeks with wisdom, at least in the first 2 stanzas. You have an interesting way of showing bad (rotten, withering, life molting) and idilic (swan song, new dawn) motives.
    | Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by shoggoth | [ Reply to This ]

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