Gentlemen Prefer Me by Magnolia

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Submission Name: Gentlemen Prefer Me dots

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Author:	Magnolia
ASL Info:	31/ F
Elite Ratio:	6.14 - 402/377/27
Words:	174

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	411
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1317

Description:
this is in the spirit of Stolie and Katia's pieces: Gentleman Prefer Blondes, and Gentlemen Marry Brunettes. Just doing a little role playing, got a little carried away.

Gentlemen Prefer Me dots

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Ever wonder what happens
to the Girl Next Door?
She gets her ass kicked
for being so wholesome.
She must toughen-up
and become masochistic
in order to be taken seriously.
She's told to shed her modest garb
for a more Butch appeal.
"It won't grow back"
is etched on the box on Aisle 13.

Sure, she can go about
hiding behind girlish tresses,
but it will only get her so far.
Blondes have more fun.
Gentlemen marry brunettes.
Redheads are fiery in bed.
Or so the sayings go.

But from Kojak to Costanza
from Salvail to Sinead--
the non-haired hotties
just won't be denied.
Yes, it's brutal
that's my preferred description.
And though I've yielded
the attention of many
a catankerous ass...
he becomes but a boot-worm
writhing in painful ecstasy.
I'll make you a "gentleman"--
say it again you gutless swine!
Still didn't quite hear you, lover.
Once more with conviction
(twists clamp a little tighter)!!

You see there,
Now it's just as I suspected...

Gentlemen prefer ME!

Submitted on 2005-06-09 11:45:40 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  May I append myself to your long list of commentators. You obviously give the world what the world wants - comic relief. But it isn't easy being funny. It takes skill. Your poetry gets your message across unobtrusively with rhythm that does not jar and imagery that amuses nay excites us. Bald women are something else. At this stage in my life the only bald woman I know is one who wears a wig after her chemo, but in my errant youth when I lived in Berchtesgaden in Germany for a year I had a German girlfriend who went in for a No.4 all over and wore trousers in an era when most girls wore skirts and petticoats. The trouble was that I looked very similar as a fresh-faced youth and we would get some very puzzled, aggressive, homophobic stares as we walked hand in hand past groups of burly Germans lounging outside pubs. "Stick you chest out!" I would murmur to her urgently as I stroked my pubescent moustache.
But you can keep your whips and leather and those nasty thoughts about subjugating us poor males underfoot. It's bad enough that we have to marry you for sex and suffer a life sentence of verbal abuse without being physically humiliated as well. My love to your dogs and cats and painted toads. I hope you treat them more gently than your husband.
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  i really like the way you took this. i think that this was the best one out of them all. great work on this piece.i really enjoyed it. lia
| Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
  I had to come check out your piece after reading Katia's & Nikki's...and getting the whole idea behind this "challenge"
I liked this - mostly because you took total control and stated it like it is!
My favorite part...
"She's told to shed her modest garb
for a more Butch appeal.
"It won't grow back"
is etched on the box on Aisle 13"
That was written in the Catholic church down the hill where I went to school - pew 13 - some 25 years ago, and only recently sandpapered off...(according to my mother, I'm not allowed in there)
This whole piece had me cracking up divine is the only way to say it...
Lisa
| Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  What HAVE I DONE??????? this is awesome! i am laughing at all of this! i adored your shaved head take on it too!

one thing they all have in common..cantankerous azzes! LMAO!

great job!
-Nikki
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  HAhahahahahahahahahaha.....*hiccup*....*wipes tears*

Oh Sorceress, you have made my day! I absolutely LOVE this, its brilliant, fabulous and fabulously fun (just as I suspected!!)

My ribs now ache - and Im holding you responsible!

Brilliant, feisty, funny and just alltogether wonderful!!!

I must say, Ive experimented with hair styles, but this is something new for me....you've given me something to think about!

On the other hand.....nah, I could never do it But I love love love this!!

Much love,

Your blonde apprentice :P
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
  you go girl! this is a bit naughty and fiesty, just like i like it. "the non-haired hotties" made me laugh because i've shaved my head a few times in my life and got some interesting reactions... it's all on the inside anyway, isn't it? all those stereotypes, redheads are fiery, blondes have more fun... really, does it matter? gentlemen prefer you i am sure, for you are a fiesty, sexy, gifted lady you are. this was fun!
!Cat
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Bravo! How do I come up with my contribution to this delicious battle of the bards?
Allthree were very clever and very satirical, but I liked your off the wall point of view.

Well done Ladies, I think I might pass on this one!

be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  BRAVO! A fabulous ending to a great three-parter. I love the idea that if ya can't please 'em with a hair color, just say screw it and shave the crap off..grows back eventually. I've been very tempted to do just that on several occasions..mostly just to remember what my real hair color is when it grows back!
Traci :)
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Mags this is definitely a feisty take on the bald truth about women. But I wonder, how much i would enjoy shaving so often, really don't think I could.

Well certainly, my hair is short, but to be bald, well I don't admire Sinead all that much. and Constanza, all his reasons for living are selfish. Cat just got her hair cut before she came to KC, she looked marvelous, simply marvelous!

This is such a clever write, my dear, but I knew about you before this expose' my sweet Rene'. Mostly, men like women who are smart, so you're qualified.
much love,
Nan
| Posted on 2005-06-09 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  I read this yesterday and didn't get it, but this morning I read Nadia's Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and this one makes more sense.
I think you might be able to take that millitary hair style and get yourself a good job at camp X ray down in GitMo!
Dave
| Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  well a seaside postcard end of pier romp is what we finish up with but I especially enjoyed the earlier bit; the transformation of narcissus bit. that easing in; as if too much too soon might make a reader boy rev up and f.uck off.
Yes that step change in pace and outlook from 'but from kojak' on is worthy of note.
As for the content well, it becomes almost subserviant (how apt) to the overall tenor.
This does what it set out to do: it is a warning and at the same time a homing beacon, written in a self assured way and then latterly in a clumsy almost fumbled way.
Almost as if too much was given away.
I'm minded of the classic film noire way of capturing the manic re-packing of a spilled clutch bag. Always well groomed fingers crazily missing the shiny stuff...
later,
k
| Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
  Haha, this is awesome it reminds me of the character 'G.I. Jane' lol. Nice take on theirs, you did well wil following the original format and repeating soem key lines but with your unique twist, great job. Sounds like the kind of women I would prefer, hahah psych! :P

Unspoken
| Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  ha ha ha ha...

now this was an alternative take, and a very humourous and satirical one.
well, I guess you topped it.
I guess all those colours can't compete with a shaved head..

'non haired hotties' ha ha!

I enjoyed this, and I also enjoyed the other poems and how they relate to each other. One hilarious family of poems. ;)

And there's a real message that comes through. When you have no hair on your head, nobody knows whether you're a blonde or brunette or redhead. So they'll have to judge you on the INSIDE oh and on your 'capabilities' too. ;)

hah thanks for the read.
alexis
| Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
  The Non-Haired Hotties- thats just great. Sounds like a singles ad. lol. Anyways this is turning into quite the funny little series. I've thought about shaving my head before, but could never bring myself to actually do it. Great stuff, very funny. Keep at it.
-Katj
| Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Katj | [ Reply to This ]
  sweet n low is a misnomer - sweet with a spicy side is more like it. i love this - i'm a girl next door who's been trampled on a few times. and there are times when i come close to walking into a salon and asked to be shaved bald, just for the shock value. but i guess i'm not ready to take charge and make "gentleman" out of boot worms. still, it's comforting and encouraging to know it can be done. =]

grace
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
  That's funny [censored]e! Reminds me of the time a eronery/sadistic stripper in Sioux City twisted my nipples to make me flinch or whatever. I don't know what she was trying to prove.

I was trying to prove i prefer real girls.
| Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]

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