Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Sojourn at Hades


Author: Memphis
ASL Info:    21/f/Right Here
Elite Ratio:    5.13 - 130 /158 /31
Words: 73
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1271
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 454



Description:


I haven't written anything in ages now. This one emerged from the hazy spot in my mind (where most of what I write comes from.) As always, all feedback is welcome and highly appreciated.


Sojourn at Hades



Crack, Baby
And then shed a tear for me.
Not three or four,
Just a singular tear for me
To set my soul at ease
As I cross the River Styx.
That way,
My mind’ll be cool
As I wage war with fire and brimstone
And all things unpleasant in between.
Your lovely, crystalline tear
Will steady my soul
As I cross the twisting road of coals
That ultimately leads to you.




Submitted on 2005-06-09 22:46:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Hi Memphis!
Not quite sure who is who in your poem, which confuses me a little. A real baby? Your lover? Is she, he dead? Will you rejoin him after a life of trial and tribulation. I like the power of this poem. I like the vocabulary. I do have this need for clarification though and I think your poem would be the better for it.
| Posted on 2005-06-10 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey its been so long. Well its good to knowe you're finally back.

I love it, but I agree with Arthur on who is who. I mean I have more background but, Who is crossing fire to get to who? Is it it you on the journey, or are you the goal?
But its soooo good...good job man.
tricia
| Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Sundance | [ Reply to This ]
  aha now I get it, its just one of those poems that even though have a very good point just looking at whats said. But since I have a backstory then I understand alot more.

Maybe you'll get your tear, or you already did. You know sometimes things come in the form of one thing, when your expecting them in another.

by the way I'm not encouraging anything. I wash my hands of this.
| Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Sundance | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



62174