The Girl That Passed -------------------------------------------
Everywhere around her
And everywhere she roams
People often wonder
What's left of their poor homes
Life has been so empty
Their life has been so bleak
But strong men never care
For the hungry and the weak
The war has passed
And they are somewhat free at last
Life has hope
Or just more than in the past
Wherever he may wander
Wherever he may go
Someone always tells him
Of the girl that he loves so
Everywhere around her
And everywhere she roamed
He can't believe he'd found her
He was dumb to let her go
The war had passed
And they were somewhat free at last
But wherever he may roam
He can't forget the girl that passed
Ok nowadays people don't write so little in their comments. Man the people that commented... ok w/e..
Anyways I think this was a really powerful write, with a great message and image. I like the whole idea of the war, because nowadays everyone is going to war.. so good topic
The rhyming you did quite well. I was like waiting until something didn't quite fit in their. But everything did. The flow was great the rhyming. Everything..
Overall you did a good job. I know you wrote this along time ago.. but lyrics are my favorite to read. i will be sure to check up on your other pieces. When I get a change..
I just wish I can hear this aloud.. it would sound amazing. One question why did you chose to write it in that format? Also why didn't you put a chorus..? or split the verses up? Cause actually it sounds better if you do without..
Your work with rhyme is done very well. there are many authors that I have read who seem to limit themselves with their word choice, but you did a very good job here. The only thing that I get caught on, as far as rhythm is the last 4 lines. I like the ideas of war being applied to this idea. and my fav lines "But strong men never care For the hungry and the weak" so very very true.
I like it. a very nice write. it reminded me of a song by Metallica called 'Wherever I may roam'. it's just the tile, the song is about a complete different topic. but I'm a Metallica fan so almost everything remindes me of Metallica.
Submission Name: The Girl That Passed
