Finding your way back is sometimes never the course. For a fine line once crossed could mean a lifetime of regret. Those webs we weave or allow us to be caught up in somone elses contrived trap. Even if we get a way we may loose a part of us to forever stay with in the lair of enveloped strings.
ok on the first line right away this “unfamiliar anguish” this strikes me as something one doesn’t feel often or something a person is not used to but may happen from time to time yet still this may mean something that has never happened before. I doubt it’s the last one I’m leaning more to something one doesn’t feel often, mood is downcast. the “enveloping threads of filtered awareness” a lot there in such a small amount. the threads connect, the awareness is the present mind its conscious activity from what I can tell. filtered I see as what the mind chooses to accept in its limits to outside stimuli by defenses.
now it become morose in its mood. from what I can tell, the first line is the action followed by the “healing” in the second line of the second stanza. the after effects of mind numbing sadness and then ever growing dread. break form this slightly I do like how that sounds those two lines “mind numbing sadness” and “every growing dread” I had to look up solace. solace: 1. an easing of grief loneliness 2. a comfort or consolation.
the ending leaves this off on a very sad note not knowing if one will ever make it back. I can share that sentiment on many things in my own life.
I'm not usually a big fan of minimalist poetry, but this is proof that when it's good, it's good, no matter what the form.
I liked the foggy emotion in the first stanza. Too many tears, too much hiding from the truth, not really all the way connected to the world.
"unfamiliar anguish enveloping threads of filtered awareness"
The sadness comes through in the second stanza:
"remorse in letting go solace in repenting mindnumbing sadness ever growing dread"
The third stanza is the most interesting to me. If it's a place you're saying good by to, then the fact that you will someday return isn't enough of a help to turn the day. I'm more intrigued though by the possibilities if it's a person you're leaving. Then this stanza implies that you've left before, only to return and you recognize as you're leaving now that you will be back.
"no comfort in the knowledge that I'll find my way back"
Hi, you've really showed that you don't need a verbose piece to get astory acroos. If you don't mind me asking, I'd love to know how long this took to write, as it seems that every single word had a meaning, its own contribution, and its spoke in the wheel of the poem.
The last stanza speaks three novels in so very few words, This is incredibly good, Thanks. be Happy Graeme
Nice work, there is definitely a soul sunk feeling that funks up the mind when we know we've made a mistake. Whatever convictions our ego might have regarding a decision, it's nearly always wrong if we are learning about love. And if we think we've been wronged , we can't see how much we are growing. I love how you can analyze and pen something we cannot see, all around us in the reality where we stand is a space of infinite learning... abyss is a perfect title. thanks for sharing, Nan
Usually, I don't care for short pieces. With that said, I loved this! To grab the sinking emotion that comes with an ending, whether a break up or a death. You grabbed that feeling, put it under a microscope, and very succinctly described for all exactly what was on the wet slide. Very well done. Full of emotion that is bigger, and stronger, then the few lines that have been penned.
"Abyss"mal sadness and pain, "unfamiliar anguish", "remorse in letting go", finding "no comfort" at the moment of separation, but a small glint of hope peeks through with, "I'll find my way back." A short and deadly accurate decription of the pangs of farewells, and a recognition that we must move on. The reader feels your pain, you have communicated it perfectly, yet in an original way. Your "mindnumbing sadness" becomes ours. Thank you for the ray of hope at the conclusion. Very sad, very deep and thoughtful, yet not depressing. I loved it.
This is a perfect description of how it feels to be in one of those crippling relationships from which you just can't escape. You tell yourself it's over, but you can't stay away, and your mood falls deeper into misery.
I'm really not into short poems at all and rarely comment on any becuse i always feel they are missing something because of how short they are, but this captured me enough to enjoy it. Short but a very good desciption of the feeling. The only negative thing i can put to you is the lack of punchuation, but that's just hypocritical of me because a lot of my poems lack punchuation also. I enjoyed this piece. You got full effect over minimum lines. Danny
this is far from plain, if one would dare to care enough and be frustrated by life blockers,then they would truly enjoy this most powerful poems that speaks volumes between the lines and in the heart of a great saddness to have to let go and repend,knowing that's isn't truly what you want to do.
your first stanza says it all and is the path that will haunt for a while, here's a really big hug to help heal
Its very short but gets right to the point good job and I hope I can read more of your writing sometime. I agree with Mikki though there was a plainess in it but perhaps that was because it was short.
This was very good, Thought it was terse It -was- to the point You expressed the emotions here very clearly without just handing them to me without a fight :P I agree with Nikki on this I can't say much else about this that hasn't been said already except that I really like this and will be reading more shortly. Thanks for the comments again. They are greatly appreciated. Big Bill-
This was hmm...pretty good I should say. It needs imagery. I don't feel any of your emotions in this. It also needs so grammer but into it. This is kind of plain...maybe it was your intension....i'm not sure...so do as you please
You kind of lead someone like me hanging out there wondering what you're really meaning in all of this. Maybe with a little more length it would make more sense. Try using a bit more imagery as Mikki said. Look forward to reading more of your work though. Keep it up. Remember, it only needs to mean something to you the writer! Candi
sinking in to the abyss.. no comfort here. in your first lines the anguish just seeps in.. this is so heavy and mournful. you didn't waste a word. i love your minimalism.. there is so much emotion to feel between the lines as well. i hope you have found your way back. @ @ peace @ !Cat
Whoa! Brilliant. this is the second poem of yours that i've read. A poet after my own heart: short, sweet, longing-themed poems.
The sharp turn of thought in your poems is the most striking quality at first sight. And the lack of metaphor. That's it i'm stalking you! i'll see you later, kc
Submission Name: Abyss
