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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Bad Poemdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 684
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1173



    Description:
       This is a reflection on the last few months. I don't think it is where I am now. Mostly it is just a playful look at getting over a lost love. It presents the inner conflicts in the process of change. You can let go of love but sometime the love won't let go of you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Bad Poemdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My intent is to write a bad poem.
    Well, not really a bad poem.
    In fact it may behave quite splendidly.
    Actually, I don't want to know it well enough
    to make a judgement.
    Who would want to hangout
    with such a thing?
    I'd prefer we just pass in the hall,
    say hello, and then move on.

    Anyway, the problem is a lover,
    actually an ex-lover to be precise.
    I need a poem that matches my feelings.
    I would not waste good words
    or great lines on someone like that.
    I need a poem without pattern,
    rhythm or rhyme.
    I need something that makes you groan
    instead of cry.
    If someone read it and said,
    "Yuck, how awful!"
    I'd be content.
    Someone could proclaim loudly
    "bad poem!"
    and rub my nose in it.

    But as I write,
    I see beauty
    and feel the universe in union
    with the souls of those
    separated by physical reality
    but joined by silver strands
    of love.

    Bummer, I suppose I'll need to try again.




    Submitted on 2005-06-11 10:48:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Oh comment hell, here I come...

    You will hate me for this - but I cannot, and will not call this a 'bad poem'. I love the irony of the title, and the way you have set it out....it captures your feelings perfectly....

    And just as a relationship takes two people, the break up of it takes two as well....you can let go, but it wont necessarily let go of you....

    "Actually, I don't want to know it well enough
    to make a judgement..
    Who would want to hangout
    with such a thing?
    I'd prefer we just pass in the hall,
    say hello, and then move on."

    This was fantastic....your need to move on, and desire to just nod and move along...but it stays with you like fluff on velvet, and no matter how much drycleaning you do, there are always little bits that stay on....

    And your conclusion is just beautiful....evocative, and haunting, and delicate....

    I cannot find a flaw (and to be honest, I dont really want to try) - this is alive with emotions, and thus should just live...

    Our ghosts may cause us pain, but they push us to write many beautiful things, and you have proven that here

    All the best,

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually, I don't want to know it well enough
    to make a judgment.
    Who would want to hang out
    with such a thing?

    great lines! comparing a bad poem to an ex-lover is a neat idea, i can relate since i've had a few... your ending is beautiful. we see that you are a lover and see and feel love all around you. it's time to let this past love go, perhaps with the "bad poem" (although i don't think you could write a bad poem if you tried!). toss it out to the wind and watch it morph to dust and float away.
    you've a heart of gold.
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      When you're hot, you're hot;
    when you're not, you're not.
    Boy, that's an old one. Well you're hot.
    Maybe I can help. I don't know the old boys name, but lets call him John. (aren't they all?)

    John,
    I dream of you at night
    when the heat refuses to let me sleep,
    when the june bugs keep slamming
    up against the screen in the dark,
    bang, bang, bang.
    That's when I dream of you,
    when I can't sleep.
    And when I dream of you
    I see a magnificent apple tree
    in the center of a garden,
    and I rub up against the trunk,
    so rugged and strong,
    and two apples fall down.
    One has a bruised spot,
    the other a worm.
    And you are both of them.
    Just thought you'd like to know.
    Oh, a rain is starting, a cold front
    has brought some relief.
    I may go back to sleep now
    you can keep the apples.

    Bad enough?
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      my love is like the star burning sky
    at night
    in summer
    at nine o clock
    it glows for her like a glow worm
    in the dark
    with flatulence
    and a full set of matches
    it never dies
    it burns all night
    i am all alone
    in hell
    it is hot in here
    like ibiza
    i am crying rivers
    and sweating tears
    boo hoo
    im going to cut my arms and legs off
    and bleed on the floor
    seeing my stumps will make you sorry
    you will wish you had never been born
    or lived
    you will want me back
    but i will screw your mother
    fu-cker
    but she will have to hold me because i have no limbs
    and you will feel guilty that they are gone
    and put them in a jar on your mantlepiece
    but i will be ok
    i will rise above
    that bi-tch fu-ker
    i will cut of her face
    and sh-it in her eye socket
    i hate her
    i hate her i hate her i hate her
    i ate her
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
      i went throught a bad breakup and ya it really sucks i hate that feeling it's not the best one out there but you move on.

    a love gone wrong is like a bad poem but the piece you wrote is anyhting but a bad poem.
    it is very percise on how i felt when i went through it so this is a really nice example.

    i liked the image it created along with what it stands for

    nice job

    SammR
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by Raven_s Miser | [ Reply to This ]
      Isn't it amazing how we try to bash something in poetry, but nothing but beauty flows from our pens.

    This, actually, made me laugh. Is that wrong, am I bad. I think it was because you were trying to write "bad poetry". I have not read anything of yours that was bad. I don't know if you have the ability to write bad poetry.

    Anyways, sorry it made me chuckle. I really enjoyed it.

    "In fact it may behave quite splendidly"

    That was the cutest line.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-06-11 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I believe you will need to try again. The beauriful lines:

    But as I write,
    I see beauty
    and feel the universe in union
    with the souls of those
    separated by physical reality
    but joined by silver strands
    of love.

    Make that a sure thing. I like how this poem is about you wanting to write a poem, and how it sounds like something you could just say to someone, yet you put it into format and it works so well. I read this poem because the title caught my eye, it's like when someone says "Don't look!" you immediately turn around and look... I saw the "A Bad Poem" and thought, that person prolly realizes that most people aren't going to say "oh, this is a bad poem, let's not read it," but rather they will say "hm... I wonder how bad it really is, or if the title is just to make you want to read it." So I read. And I enjoyed. Thanks for posting this! :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by prettybaby | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes Chrystine, even your old lover can't destroy you good faith and love in those you meet. So don't you understand it's the work we do and not who we love (well most of the time) that makes us love even more. I understand how you can say, you are the goddess love. Makes perfect sense, sweet goddess, my very best to you .
    thanks for sharing your love with all of us.
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      "I would not waste good words
    or great lines on someone like that."

    Whooph! I feel ya' sister. My problem is just the opposite. She's all tangled up in my art. What can i say unrequited passion-the blueballs of poetry.

    Yeah, it hurts me.

    Oh yeah, the poem, huh? Just wanted to say that the poem is rife with philosophical truths. Namely: get over it, move on, and try again. Bravo! take care :)
    see you later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]


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    62368

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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