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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "The Final Fall"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raven_s Miser
    ASL Info:    16-female- wap
    Elite Ratio:    4.64 - 68/54/18
    Words: 416
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 843
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2495



    Description:
       In my opinion this is one of my favorite works it is about many things.
    The most important would be people acting for everyone to watch.
    They all pick a distinct roll to play in life without showin their true colors and actualities.

    and that is what i was lookin for when i wrote it.
    Samm R


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"The Final Fall"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The actor....
    The one who acts or simply hides the facts.

    Underneath the make-up is everything she Chooses to hide.

    The stage lights do not blind her but they scare Her of the fight that she has to concure every Night.

    The never ending battles that take her high nor Low,
    You know very well how the story gose.

    The innocent little girl ,
    Who now has a story that has begun to unfurl.

    The stories of sucess,
    And how the pressure is intense.
    For he not to think and loose her breath.

    Every time she takes that final bow
    And she parts her way from the crowd.
    And there you were throwing in the towel.

    Sweatin because of the fears that grew near.

    Smiling just a small part of her act,
    But I guess you didn't realize that.

    She needed to get away....... away from what She feared for years.
    She feared the tears
    That fall when the curtain falls.

    The audience.... her fight for life,
    All banish when she leaves from sight.

    The stage grows dark..... the lights grow dim.
    The fire within no- longer kindles in the dark but Burns.

    But the fact of it is that it won't last forever.
    Her days to please will soon leave.

    Her spirit to believe that better days are fought With sorrow.
    And are meant to be ended today not
    Tomorrow.

    Engulfed in the flame that falls from above, it Circles and consumes all that is within.

    Within that flame is the fact that she must stand brave.
    But she falls with the tears and the flame.

    Her final bow is pledged in a grassy field under A maple whose leaves match the trickles that Once ran down her face.

    But the day was to late.
    To late to save the fate that should be saved.

    The fans took her out and wrung her dignity and Now they see that life anything but an eternity.

    Placid and still she gives her bow.
    She bows down to the heavens and kisses gods feet.

    For only he knows that the story she tells is one Of a kind

    Her time has passed ,
    And those who no gasph.

    There is no more acting as the curtain falls

    It is true that the darkness consumes Everything as they stand appaled




    Submitted on 2005-06-11 16:16:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem could be good. The opening lines are great with some nice use of inner rhyme.
    'The one who acts or simply hides the facts.'
    You acknowledge its the same old tale.
    The never ending battle that takes her high (and I presume you mean low)
    You know very well how the story goes (not gose.)

    You have an awful lot of spelling mistakes and that could be easily resolved by putting your work through word and cutting and pasting - I know I do it myself!

    Many o f your lines are too long and that makes it difficult to read. Try breaking the lines, indeed, line 4 seems confused - I'd redraft this and maybe make it a bit shorter.
    If you want I'll take another look when you've done that.
    Stay in touch, love and peace.
    Comradenessie
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]


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    62395

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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