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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Between Worlds - rev 7/4/05dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 804
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1140



    Description:
       This is for a friend that maintains a loose grip on reality.
    She teaches me much about real love.
    The world can be too harsh to tolerate such gentleness or perhaps the gentleness is just too strong to let the harshness in.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween Worlds - rev 7/4/05dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She lives between worlds.
    Her dawns voyage to dusk
    without visiting the day.
    The nights, mornings
    and evening are cool.
    She stays in the place
    where emotions and fairies play.
    Because her tenderness cannot withstand
    the heat of a full risen reality.

    Within her lair she stores treasures.
    If you can find her
    and convince her to let you in,
    your eyes will balloon in surprise.
    The collection is precious
    by any standard.
    Love pressed in molds of beauty
    gilded with gold
    and encrusted with diamonds
    glittering
    in this less than real light.
    She offers them willingly

    But they must be kept here.
    In the world without
    they become phantoms and mist.
    In half an instant
    they evaporate.
    You wonder if the fortune ever existed.

    So you return to find all is there.
    This place still glows with passion.
    It is real till you leave.
    Then you are left in contemplation.

    Is reality there or here?




    Submitted on 2005-06-12 01:59:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Oooh I like this, Chrystine. I've had and have friends like this but they have a protection and sort of "off in the blue"
    feel about themselves. I like how you show that this world can't be moved, it's like a bubble in the hands, much too fragile. And what energy it takes to keep that illusion alive, nice place to visit. But don't you think most of us came from there because we knew crossing over is the only way?

    Why else would we write and attempt to translate the world your friend lives in? And isn't that what poets do, I know the one is this skin does.
    I enjoyed this one immensely, thanks so much.
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      A good read. I enjoyed your word choice and it was quite original. Beautifu imagry also - "Her dawns voyage to dusk / without visiting the day" - I really liked this line, a wonderful way of putting it.

    Thanks for a good read - Uriel
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Uriel | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooooh....nice twist on the idea, but it's not just others who do this. Writers and Musicians, too, all are part of another world, another fantasy, less attached to this world, and that's why we can write stories or poems, compose music, and do all those things that require the most abstract of ideas; because we're not rooted in a reality where abstract is too ambiguous for its own good.

    But as for the poem itself, well I can't complain. It was really well written, and it flowed amazingly, too. Nothing ruins a poem more than a jagged rhythm, but you didn't do that. Awesome!
    ~Spire~
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Spire | [ Reply to This ]
      You do a fantastic job of conveying the fragility and delicacy of this person's world...

    Your second stanza is beautifully evocative, and almost haunting....if you are prepared to set your preconceived notions aside, and trust, and respect - then a magical place will be opene to you; a treasure chest..

    "Love pressed in molds of beauty
    gilded with gold
    and encrusted with diamonds
    glittering
    in this less than real light.
    She offers them willingly"

    This was such an incredible image....makes me think of glittering soap bubbles...the light reflects all the beautiful colours, but any harsh movement, and the bubble will break...

    A wonderful appreciation of a different understanding of the world....

    All the best,

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem reminds me of my ten year old son. So innocent and unknowing of the world around him, he lives in his own fantasy world. A world of stories and images he has in his mind, not realizing that he will someday have to give them up and enter a world full of hate and violence.

    I often enter his world in the stories he tells, that decribe in detail of treasures, dragons and heroes. It gives me an escape from what I know, but saddens me because his innocence will soon be shattered by reality.

    This was beautiful. The imagery you created painted a vivid picture in my mind. And I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for these wonderful words.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      i just adore this write Chrys.. sometimes i feel myself too tender and sensitive for this world and i have been known to crawl into my shell where there is safety and fantasy.. i cannot stomach the brutality and cruelty of this world sometimes, and i retreat..

    She lives in between worlds.
    Her dawns voyage to dusk
    without visiting the day.

    beautiful opening lines. the treasures you speak of are real, part of her soul. that is where fantasy lives and breathes. i'd rather live there than here a lot of the time, to be honest, but i have to exist in this world... besides, i have my girl here with me (well, not physically right now, but she is always with me).
    thanks for this gem.
    !Cat
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this is very wonderful. i wonder, have you ever read the works of Chuang Tzu? a late daoist philosopher. i think it's a beautiful expression of the vagueness of life that is ever present in daoism. this is a little less optimistic but portrays the disappointments of the big dreamer. :) it's very nice.
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by adiaphane | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of your best. So beautiful and intriguing.. and some really lovely and vivid images before my eyes,

    especially,
    'Love pressed in molds of beauty
    gilded with gold
    and encrusted with diamonds
    glittering
    in this less than real light. '
    very unique!

    'Her dawns voyage to dusk
    without visiting the day.'
    As we all know, dawn and dusk are the times of day when there is less 'bustle' when there are less people around.. and this reminded me of the saying 'its always darkest before dawn..'
    but anyhow, these are the times of day I enjoy the most. specifically the early morning, everything just feels so fresh and magical.

    But I feel like there are some interesting metaphors here. There are some who say only very young and very old people truly enjoy the magic of life. In between (just generalising here) most people are too busy trying to accumulate wealth or material things and so on, without giving attention to the more important things in life, like real love. Love should propel us, not wealth. I think it was Auden who said, 'Love each other or die'

    I really like how this poem made me think about such things. oh the metaphor I was getting at. So dawn represents being very young, and dusk represents being very old, and this person manages to get from the first to the other without,
    'the heat of a full risen world.'
    like the self preoccupation of 'in between' of day. or I might just be confusing myself.

    There's a sense of real innocence and childhood in this. Being protected from the real world, and thus from jaded views..

    your ending was great, I love it.
    another piece of inspiration to be proudly displayed on my page. I know I'll be reading this one many times.

    thanks for the read
    alexis.

    P.s I wonder if you've read 'Tuesdays with morrie' It seems like the kind of book you would enjoy. I recently finished reading it and it had quite a profound effect on me. Let me know what YOU think of it. ;)
    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]


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