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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Be My Realitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ace
    ASL Info:    17/m/In Hell
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 305/337/56
    Words: 261
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1201
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1565



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBe My Realitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Weighing the pros and cons
    To be wise or dumb
    Its all full of mystery it seems
    With the passions of pain


    But Ill be there with arms wide open
    My head held high
    Never to grow up alone and die
    With the bouquet of roses


    Extravagant to the unknown
    Knowing the faces in the crowd
    All gray and bare
    Clasped then Reaped


    I love the way you are
    The phantasm of hope
    The domination of emotions
    Im bewildered by you


    My dreams now are there
    Not to be faded
    Not to be jaded
    Im here to wait for it

    This silence is bliss
    But the beauty dead
    Like the black rose of death
    I can’t loose this (“you that is”)


    I would live with you in harmony
    With no harm to thee
    Just by my side
    Never ending reality


    Im waiting still
    For my dreams to come
    Come here to me
    Turn into reality


    Your kiss will be wanted
    Im always haunted
    By my thoughts
    Just make it go away


    I yearn for you
    Not to be a stranger
    Im not another face in the crowd
    You’re my high, my trip


    I want to be your…
    Your lover
    Clasped and embraced
    Ill never let you go…



    The end

    Was it ever there….





    Submitted on 2005-06-12 04:19:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is very good one the way you would describe this thing like it were reality and then admit to your self that it was just a dream. this one is going in to my fave list. also my favorite line was
    "This silence is bliss
    But the beauty dead
    Like the black rose of death
    I can’t loose this (“you that is”)"
    it's like you got caught up in the moment and had to rmind yourself that it was about some one. I liked it because it shows caring about the person or thing and not just how poem is going to sound.

    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by hidden lady | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok, on my favs. That made my stomach turn over *in a good way* when reading that. The unfortunate feeling I'm currently suffering from at the moment.
    "I'm waiting still
    For my dreams to come
    Come here to me
    Turn into reality"
    That was the clincher. You one of the very few who can pull off rhyming, from what I've seen. I'm not a big rhyming fan, but you do it well.
    It's a powerful peice.
    Thumbs up!
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by TristesseDurera | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem. Sorry I can't give you the greatest critique in the world. I spoke my mind and that's all I have to say. One question though, this is what I want to say to a "friend" of mine. Can I have permission to print this and read it to him?(you'll recieve credit for writing it of course) Thanks.
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by mandycandygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      haha bout time you posted this one. aww her stomach turned over. Mine did to when I first read it. Love this poem, and you first thought I wouldn't. hahaha

    Your kiss will be wanted
    Im always haunted
    By my thoughts
    Just make it go away

    let's replace old with new shall we, you fixed the typos so there's nothing to make it better.

    Blessed Be love!
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked reading this. It was indeed sweet, and you conveyed your emotions in a beautiful way. The only problem I had was going back and forth between the different kinds of lines. One would rhyme, the next wouldn't, the second and fourth line would rhyme, then the first and third would rhyme...I do the same thing a lot, and it's hard to edit it and stick to one form, but I think when you do, it flows more easily.
    Even if you decided not to, it would stay lovely, so good job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by insipid sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. At first I thought that you already had the girl of your dreams but the end leaved the reader questioning. Good transistion there. I didn't really like having two spaces between the stanzas. It made me think it was too long when in reality it wasn't. It was easy to read though which helped me get through it. :) I really liked this. The question at the end is something a lot of people struggle with. "Is something really there? Was it ever?" Great job with this. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow stanzas so simple but flow so nicely. The title caught my eye and you want this person to be real, do all these things, feel and these things- to be yours. This is going in my faves.
    I love the way you are
    The phantasm of hope
    The domination of emotions
    Im waiting still
    For my dreams to come
    Come here to me
    Turn into reality

    Your kiss will be wanted
    Im always haunted
    By my thoughts
    Just make it go away

    Im bewildered by you
    | Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]


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