this is very good one the way you would describe this thing like it were reality and then admit to your self that it was just a dream. this one is going in to my fave list. also my favorite line was "This silence is bliss But the beauty dead Like the black rose of death I can’t loose this (“you that is”)" it's like you got caught up in the moment and had to rmind yourself that it was about some one. I liked it because it shows caring about the person or thing and not just how poem is going to sound.
Ok, on my favs. That made my stomach turn over *in a good way* when reading that. The unfortunate feeling I'm currently suffering from at the moment. "I'm waiting still For my dreams to come Come here to me Turn into reality" That was the clincher. You one of the very few who can pull off rhyming, from what I've seen. I'm not a big rhyming fan, but you do it well. It's a powerful peice. Thumbs up!
I really liked this poem. Sorry I can't give you the greatest critique in the world. I spoke my mind and that's all I have to say. One question though, this is what I want to say to a "friend" of mine. Can I have permission to print this and read it to him?(you'll recieve credit for writing it of course) Thanks.
I liked reading this. It was indeed sweet, and you conveyed your emotions in a beautiful way. The only problem I had was going back and forth between the different kinds of lines. One would rhyme, the next wouldn't, the second and fourth line would rhyme, then the first and third would rhyme...I do the same thing a lot, and it's hard to edit it and stick to one form, but I think when you do, it flows more easily. Even if you decided not to, it would stay lovely, so good job.
Wow. At first I thought that you already had the girl of your dreams but the end leaved the reader questioning. Good transistion there. I didn't really like having two spaces between the stanzas. It made me think it was too long when in reality it wasn't. It was easy to read though which helped me get through it. :) I really liked this. The question at the end is something a lot of people struggle with. "Is something really there? Was it ever?" Great job with this. :) -blt
Wow stanzas so simple but flow so nicely. The title caught my eye and you want this person to be real, do all these things, feel and these things- to be yours. This is going in my faves. I love the way you are The phantasm of hope The domination of emotions Im waiting still For my dreams to come Come here to me Turn into reality
Your kiss will be wanted Im always haunted By my thoughts Just make it go away