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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can You Make It Stop?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shombray
    ASL Info:    18/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 103/91/26
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 646
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 674



    Description:
       Tell me if it had a good ending or if it sucked.I really want to know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan You Make It Stop?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It made me believe that I was a treasure
    By really caring and giving me pleasure
    Now it's starting to drive me insane
    This thing has me wondering if I got a brain
    I try to get it to notice me
    But it acts like it can't see
    And it has a bad attitude
    At times it can be so rude
    I give it all the love in my heart
    Yet it rips and tears me apart
    I think I've been to blind to see
    That it never had any love for me
    This thing is really making me drop
    Baby can you please make it stop?
    It is something I can't get use to
    So why is it still inside of you?




    Submitted on 2005-06-12 04:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked his poem a lot. I liked how you used "it" instead of he or even she. Whichever one it maybe doesn't matter. I liked the flow and the rhyming was good. The whole thing sounds like you were in love with this person that made you feel like a princess and now that person completely changed and is now just hurting you emotionaly. Good poem.
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      This could be a bit longer. You should put more detail into to it to.
    It was a good poem i like how you make the brain the bad person in the write. i get what your doming form the brain is the biggest weekness we have. we fall for people with simple words like i love you and i hate you and it is funny how week we can be somethimes.
    Great peice

    Ace
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Ace | [ Reply to This ]
      Well first off you might explain what "it" is. I mean is "it" a guy? It is kinda confusing though you do get your point across very well other than to explain what "It"is.
    Or am I missing the point of the whole poem?
    Maybe you can clear this up for me, keep writing,
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, now you are someone who took exactly how i feel and put it into words. We live in two seperate worlds and yet guys, boys, whatever can still make us feel the same. You wrote a simple poem for a complex feeling...love! I thought it was great.
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by mandycandygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Two lines for the good times and the rest focused on the bad. I differ on the "it" part that is a detached way to describe an attribute/person and shows your disgust to "it" be it person or something else. I like the mystery of "it" its like saying "them", you never know who "they" are but it leaves it open to the imagination. But I'm leaning toward "it" being a person because of the line "Baby can you please make it stop?" this poem was well compose with complexeties which is my defining characteristic. So I demand nothing more than more complex writings, sincerely mike :)
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't like the ending. I thought that the "it" was okay although over-used. I thought the "it" was about a guy but the ending sort of threw me off. Is the "it" a baby inside of someone? Or do you mean that the "it" is their soul? Overall I think people will relate to this. I did up until the ending. I hope you re-work this in the future to see how stronger you can make it. :)
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      its leaves the question of what exactlis is "it" anyways write some more to it but good write keep it up
    my favorite part was

    Now it's starting to drive me insane
    This thing has me wondering if I got a brain

    kristen
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this a lot...including the ending. I thought the whole thing was really good. It fit together perfectly. My favorite part was:

    "I think I've been to blind to see
    That it never had any love for me"

    I love those lines. They really stuck out for me more than anything else. Great job :-)

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]


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