Description: Tell me if it had a good ending or if it sucked.I really want to know.
Can You Make It Stop? -------------------------------------------
It made me believe that I was a treasure
By really caring and giving me pleasure
Now it's starting to drive me insane
This thing has me wondering if I got a brain
I try to get it to notice me
But it acts like it can't see
And it has a bad attitude
At times it can be so rude
I give it all the love in my heart
Yet it rips and tears me apart
I think I've been to blind to see
That it never had any love for me
This thing is really making me drop
Baby can you please make it stop?
It is something I can't get use to
So why is it still inside of you?
I liked his poem a lot. I liked how you used "it" instead of he or even she. Whichever one it maybe doesn't matter. I liked the flow and the rhyming was good. The whole thing sounds like you were in love with this person that made you feel like a princess and now that person completely changed and is now just hurting you emotionaly. Good poem.
This could be a bit longer. You should put more detail into to it to. It was a good poem i like how you make the brain the bad person in the write. i get what your doming form the brain is the biggest weekness we have. we fall for people with simple words like i love you and i hate you and it is funny how week we can be somethimes. Great peice
Well first off you might explain what "it" is. I mean is "it" a guy? It is kinda confusing though you do get your point across very well other than to explain what "It"is. Or am I missing the point of the whole poem? Maybe you can clear this up for me, keep writing, !Doc`
okay, now you are someone who took exactly how i feel and put it into words. We live in two seperate worlds and yet guys, boys, whatever can still make us feel the same. You wrote a simple poem for a complex feeling...love! I thought it was great.
Two lines for the good times and the rest focused on the bad. I differ on the "it" part that is a detached way to describe an attribute/person and shows your disgust to "it" be it person or something else. I like the mystery of "it" its like saying "them", you never know who "they" are but it leaves it open to the imagination. But I'm leaning toward "it" being a person because of the line "Baby can you please make it stop?" this poem was well compose with complexeties which is my defining characteristic. So I demand nothing more than more complex writings, sincerely mike :)
I didn't like the ending. I thought that the "it" was okay although over-used. I thought the "it" was about a guy but the ending sort of threw me off. Is the "it" a baby inside of someone? Or do you mean that the "it" is their soul? Overall I think people will relate to this. I did up until the ending. I hope you re-work this in the future to see how stronger you can make it. :) -blt