[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: hidden in my eyesdots

    Author: hidden lady
    ASL Info:    28/female/nebraska
    Elite Ratio:    4.47 - 116/118/30
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 760
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 802

       it's weird the things that come to while sleep has it's hold on you. tell me what you think, what is wrong with it and if I did the bad grammar thing like I do sometimes.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshidden in my eyesdots

    if you could grasp the stars
    that are entangled in my eyes
    the oceans would not over flow
    onto the rough terrain
    of battered flesh.
    the once present smirk
    on the face of the moon
    would return if for but a second leaving
    contentment in it's place.

    if only your kisses could bring
    the sun up for lunch,
    or your touch the flowers bloom,
    perhaps my hardened heart
    would then become an angels pillow for a time.

    alas these things cannot pass for my wall is
    placed securely,
    forged by life and kept by time,
    it has been there always.

    Submitted on 2005-06-12 15:58:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "if you could grasp the stars
    that are entangled in my eyes"
    that was awesome, i could just feel that and its so deep one of the kinds of lines that make the poem just set the tone the hole poem had a strong voice and it flowed with poetry. "if only your kisses could bring the sun up for lunch," like that line it has great levels to it the work with the poem and make the reader feel like they know what you feel . its not clearly out their what you were talking bout and it was like it was just a poem writen just to write but it was done well! nice job
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by BlackLace | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. I am not one to do anything on grammar for my own is terrible. I do appreciate the poem because it describes me. I am glad to have had the chance to read this. I will add it to my favs and hope to do the same with more of your poems. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by ria_pixie | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    To written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bond written by saartha
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Linger written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]