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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Leavingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ajyra
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 65/57/22
    Words: 113
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 972
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 783



    Description:
       Written when I finally left my last boyfriend, about a month ago, when I finally realized I couldn't feel anything for him at all.
    ....
    Comments are always appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLeavingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I miss...
    The rain on your face
    the tears I hid from you.

    The night reflected on your body
    The feelings I ignored.

    It needs to stop.

    I wish...
    Your light smile,
    Your heat never touched me.

    Your heart had gone
    Your life would let me free.

    Never possible.

    They say...
    You hurt me
    You know theyíre right.

    Youíre bad for me
    You think they donít know.

    Itís all wrong.

    You know...
    I think they are right.
    I think they know.

    I think you should go
    I think you should leave.

    Goodbye love.
    You never knew my heart
    Like I thought.




    Submitted on 2005-06-12 18:09:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it had alot of emotion,
    you did a great job on this.
    Most people would just write a rant or something of the sort but this was very well
    written.
    I liked your form. it kept you reading, didnt drag you down.
    The ending you might want to work on..

    "Youíre bad for me
    You think they donít know.

    Itís all wrong.

    You know...
    I think they are right.
    I think they know.

    I think you should go
    I think you should leave."

    just this part.. it just didnt seem to flow as well.
    But the rest of it was great.
    Good write!
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this. The simplisity and emotion just catches you. What would usually be portrayed with angst was instead portrayed in a somwhat sorry way, as if you were sorry he never knew you. Very well done. However, i agree with Jen, the flow did seem to lose it's touch with that last bit. Maybe an ammendment? Even if not, a good read.

    Regards - Uriel
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by Uriel | [ Reply to This ]


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