Losing by dancer06

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Submission Name: Losing dots

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Author:	dancer06
ASL Info:	20/f
Elite Ratio:	4.73 - 232/171/44
Words:	132

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	257
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	846

Description:
not much... but im feeling very controlled by someone and i just need time away from him. he is slowly pushing me away. I can't be with him every second, but he is delicate and im scared to break him.

Losing

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Your suffocating me.
Taking all my breaths for me.
I feel like I'm drowning in you.
I can't stand this much more.

We are already fighting.
Your controlling my every move.
I can't always be with you.
I want to be free.

Let me breathe on my own.
Let me walk in the dark.
Friendship is almost impossible.
You are losing me.

I have stayed so long with you.
For fear of breaking you.
You are a delicate flower.
The exact opposite of me.

I was built to be on my own.
You were built to follow.
I am not clingy at all.
You cling to the littlest hope.

Every time you call,
Every time you come over,
Every time you yell,
You are losing me.

Submitted on 2005-06-12 19:44:51 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
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||| Comments |||
  wow, this is the one thing I hope my girl never thinks about me. I'm gonna keep these words in my mind as a guide to use. I never seen this perspective in prose. I have seen the opposite, the you don't care or listen type stuff. funny how both extremes seems to lose the person one loves. I guess the key is balance and patience. mike :)
| Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is very powerful and I hope that at some time you win this battle before you lose yourself. The first stanza was amazing

Taking all my breaths for me.
I feel like I'm drowning in you.

That's a very awesome statement. I love how you put that together.

Fear of breaking you made me

I guess I kind of got lost on this line in the poem.

I can't be with you EVERY second.
Walk on your own for once.
My hand you can not hold.
I'm just not that clingy.

This part I wasn't too fond of. It kind of gave up a lot of the emotion that I felt through the rest of the poem. You did make your point clear in the poem however. I know what it's like to want some fresh air once in awhile, and just take a small break from the familiar. Good luck!
Candi
| Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  well [censored] girl, sounds like you have one possessive boyfriend! i never thought that being possessive ever did any good, but apparently others do. and that is exactly what happens, you start yelling...getting controlling, you lose the girl, thats the way that it works. it also sounds like perhaps you need to get out of there, which i'm sure that you already know that. take care ma'am
| Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
  Ah hpw we sometimes feel controlled.. think of leaving but are scared of the end result. It helps to write doen your feelings and you did just that. lots of emotions, very descriptive... I hope he knows what he's doing- if not I hope he reads this. All good things must come to an end- or in this case bad heh.
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]
  that clingy kind of love just doesn't work, the neediness is a turn off and surely pushes you away. you've made it very clear here and it's probably time to move on but you are afraid to injure this person more than he is already injured.
lovers must stand a part as individuals strong in order to come together and keep love from suffocating from too much need..
good work. thanks for sharing and reminding me.
@ peace @
!Cat
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm, caught between a rock and a hard place...
At the risk od being "Agony Aunt" I would drop him cold, you're not doing him any favours, cos you're sort of leading him on, and I bet he's not as delicate as you think he is.
We ALL get heartbreak, and we all get over it. If you end up good friends....BONUS!
Poeticaly...who cares! Look after no. 1.
Be Happy
Graeme
| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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