[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: forever afterdots

    Author: Rue
    ASL Info:    16/F/the dark side
    Elite Ratio:    4.54 - 244/182/44
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 974

       I hope you like, based on a uh... dear friend.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsforever afterdots

    Drowning in sullen thoughts corrupted by tears,
    Now is the time to relay my deathly fears.
    Empty noose in the barn's teak wood rafter,
    Calling for her, live in forever after.

    Broken down Chevy in the brothers garage,
    It will barely start and merely seethe the mirage,
    As the poison licks at her lip,
    And her eyes start to slip.

    The bottle sits half full,
    Or half empty, depending.
    One little drop will secure for her, a bitter sweet ending.

    She plants her feet and watches blood pour,
    Keeps her mind distracted, as it sifts to the floor.
    The warm water is caressing,
    And we hope they're all detesting,
    The thoughts she shared and life she led,
    As she wanders slowly back to bed.

    Now she has seen through this, seen the fight,
    She lies in bed but another night,
    Tomorrow she hopes she sees the light.

    Submitted on 2004-04-08 19:14:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      vey well written its funny fo 116 views you only got 7 comments i thought this was a great poemthanx fo you comment on childs play i am glad you somewhat enjoyed
    | Posted on 2005-08-22 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      The emotions stick out really well in this. Wow! I'm impressed. It has that nice litle 'ring'
    The poetic part flows perfectly. Great job!
    | Posted on 2004-07-26 00:00:00 | by Chicool2 | [ Reply to This ]
      You are being so miserable, Rue! i like it. Its lovely, and sad and all...I don't know, the light thing at the end could mean both life and death, which makes you think, its so creepy and strange and twisty that its...well to use your word intoxicating. Keep it up, I get high on your stuff! ~Sicobe R. Crow
    | Posted on 2004-04-08 00:00:00 | by Crow | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like the last 2 stanzas the best. I think the rhyming flows the most in these 2 sections and it's also the least clichéd. keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-04-08 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]