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I went to god last night

Author: bluesoxz
ASL Info:    16fohio
Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 71 /101 /38
Words: 243
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 877
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1312


What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

I went to god last night

There is many reasons for my actions
I just don't wanna tell you.There is many
Reasons for my tears I just don't wanna
Show you. Flashbacks of my childhood
stick to me like glue.And the beatings
make it real..Pain is what makes you
alive..Each time my skin brakes my
blood gets thicker and thicker.
I believed I could save the world.I cant
even save myself..
I talk to God lastnight he did not want me
so he sent me back to my parents and
They disowned me.As my vision slips
Away my heart starts to race.
Goodbye to my way childish ways.
I swallow this glass and it cuts my throat.
And you clean up my blood..I went to God
For help last night and he laughed at me..
Told me I was not worth it..So I stitch my
wounds shut and walked away but some
how they bleed through.
Nothing is like it seems.Dont you see
the devil in me..
I cut myself last night and for some
Reason it did not help the pain.
So I cried myself alseep thinking of my angel
That is so far away..
I went to god last night and for the first time in
my life he told me I was not his child.

Submitted on 2005-06-13 14:02:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  as far as minor grammar errors there is nothign wrong with this piece. it had strong emotion and i feel sorry for you. but i really dont think god would through you down like that.but everybodys got their thoughts espcially when they are distraught. good job on displaying your emotions
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
  first of all, welcome to Elite.

this is heart-breaking and hurts.. i cannot imagine that God would tell you that you aren't His child. this reeks of hopelessness and despair. i am sorry for your pain.. perhaps you can find a small ray of hope somewhere large enough to let an angel through. @peace@

you do have some grammar errors and could possibly split up the poem into sections to make it flow better. just some suggestions, the content is well done.
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this is so incredibly sad, and this is going to sound very very like a new person, but I can relate haha. I loved the way you chose to write it, with the sentences ending in different lines. I loved the theme of the poem, and it was so wowish. I loved it really, and I thought that there was so much emotion pouring out, and it flooded at me like a wave. Very sad.
Peace and Love
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  This is even better than your other post, very powerful and full of emotion.
As the others said, a few tiny gram. errors (there ARE many reasons) but they don't mean too much in the blasphemy of your misery.
I really felt for you in this, so it was extremely well written, well done indeed, and, if it IS personal, sorry, and we're here to help.

Be Happy

| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  WELCOME! and I have to say, what a powerful write this is. Full of such anguish and astonishment over what appears to be rejection from those you call upon in your darkest hour. I think you might want to change the "is"z in the first and second lines to "are" just seems like it would read better to me. But like a bumpersticker on a car I passed on the freeway the other day...God does not turn his back on you, we turn our backs on him...or something like that...and it said something about being able to or he always allows u-turns or something like that. I dunno, I was driving pretty fast...hee-hee. Anyway, have a good one.
| Posted on 2005-06-13 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW! very powerful and emotional. I enjoyed reading this and will check out your other stuff in the days to come! Keep writing and i will keep reading.
| Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by bestdeceptions | [ Reply to This ]
  this piece was really raw and honest and i could completely picture the despair in these flashes that resulted from reading the poem.

and as for god mocking you, i know exactly what you're talking about...check out my piece i wrote a while ago, called "So Forget Us", if you have the time

i liked the use of tone and mood and imagery; well-written
| Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by throughmyvoice | [ Reply to This ]
  Me,being related to Saint Catherine Drexel,would naturally be offended by this.
However,I loved this very much.

A person's actions reflects upon how indivuals react and treat you.Perhaps the 'character's'
deeds caused God to turn His back on the 'character.'

| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by MoonlightSonata | [ Reply to This ]
  I could hardly finish this poem i was so moved to tears i feel like it touches so close to home that i can't critiqueit well at all.
You have given us a very emotional piece and i thank you very much. That is all i can really say.
| Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by k.o.malley | [ Reply to This ]

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