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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: First Time....dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SouthrnQT
    ASL Info:    24/ Female/ Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.51 - 290/271/31
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1696
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 853



    Description:
       Not much I can say except...enjoy!!! hehe.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFirst Time....dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silence surrounds us
    faint echoes, vibrations, humming
    Blissful, magical
    here with you, submerged together
    unified by this action we partake

    The morning skies cast light upon our bodies
    I hold your rod firmly, grasped in my hand
    The excitement rises...I've never done this before....
    You tell me it's alright...
    You tell me to relax...take my time
    It will come...just be patient

    I pull harder, blood rushing, the spray wetting my hands as they continue to swirl around, in brisk, circular motions....
    Keep it up you say...it's almost there

    We both cry out climactically.....

    The large bass fish hung from the hook as I held him up....my first catch.

    I can't wait to go fishing again......




    Submitted on 2005-06-14 08:05:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You dirty rotten tease!!!

    That was really good even if the surprise ending wasn't what I was looking for!! Very, Very well done
    This was so clever- (You might read Chell's Sex with a stranger )

    Very enjoyable write!!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      yo this piece is beautiful. i love analogous/metaphorical poetry. very deep! sexual, but still deep! but i agree with Lost Sheep, the title kinda gives too much info. but regardless i am feelin' this poem! nice!
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by L.i. | [ Reply to This ]
      Smile, what a talented play upon words, excellent write. Ummm definitely keeps your interest. Totally unique style...great way of drawing the reader into and holding the attention.
    Alan
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by MidnghtScorpion | [ Reply to This ]
      Today must be my day for stumbling across great innuendo. I liked this one a lot.

    The only thing I might change is the title and that's only because it gives too much away.

    Great work,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      My God girl, how you have a way with words. Yes, I was thinking one thing and then you showed me another there at the end. Just too cool lollipop queen. I liked this one. As the Black Label Society "Fire It Up" blares from the stereo. Have a good one and keep on fishin'...and smile
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Terrific! I love it! My kind of stuff. Lead them on and then reel them in, readers caught on the hook. Silly basses! I agree with DnD that you need to hide more in your title, maybe somthing like "First time", that ought to lure them in. Just a terific bit of double entendre. You amaze me.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, it was humerus to say the least. I have to admit you had me fooled, at least until you said "rod",
    then I knew it couldn't be seriously going in that direction. A good, refreshing read, take care.
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      Bravo on your parody, Damn after reading your journal, I am so darn jealous,lol I am very glad to see you and your family had a great time.

    You poem was very clervely written.
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      lol...um...this is quite clever...to refer to something like this as a fishing trip. I pretend that Im naive and think it a real fish. I agree with all the others, you do have a way with words and because of that it is but only a fishing trip.

    later days
    tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]
      never new there was that much beauty going fishing.its nice to see that you realize the beauties of natural past the beer and fish smell.i may also add that i liked your little picture and you have a good talent for writing. just try to add a little form every once in a while
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by dylanpoe | [ Reply to This ]
      To be honest with you...this was very creative in my eyes! Too many people get hung up on form. Some of my writing has form and some of it doesn't. The way you wrote this is just fine. It led you from one place to the other in a very unique fashion. Interesting to see someone so very passionate about fishing! :)
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Girl - i think my mind is polluted: Fishing - my ass! this is sooooo sh*t erotic! "circular motions" - damn your honey must be getting it good.
    A very very entertaining read!
    Keep spreading the love
    Nadia*
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Nadia is right; it's like an erotic fishing trip. For a moment there, I couldn't tell if you had gone fishing or not. I'm kidding, I think this is a good poem, you wrote something about such an ordinary event and turn it into something cool and it takes a good writer to do that. I've never gone fishing but Iím thinking about it now. Good Job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Sun Spots | [ Reply to This ]
      Very neat, tight imagery - even the title can be taken either way. In a way I wish I hadnt read the description, so that the last few lines would have made me realise how dirty I was really thinking - which is just a credit to your style, that you can turn one of the most boring sports on earth into a passionate, sexy experience.
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Von Django | [ Reply to This ]
      WHOA... that was really really creepy. i was expecting some sort of angst pome from this. but, no, it wasn't. It is truely awkward on my behalf because i am here in school with like 5 or 6 peopl surrounding me, yeah I was frekin' out a little. but no worries. Anyway, this was and still is a wonderful poem, and I wanted to know... what's with your picture... is that you like almost naked... back to the poem *feels guilty* so good job this is a wonderful two story type of thing... making them think of one thing and than making them feel something else. So yeah. THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol, that's freakin awesome! wow, i went fishing last night, and i had a great time, but you...wow, i wanna go fishing with you ;)
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      And here I thought this was about sex. ;-) Nice write here. I might break up the longer lines into two, and 'unified by this action we partake' seems a bit awkward with the wording. I liked 'The morning skies cast light upon our bodies' a lot.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice! The only complaint I have is that you gave it away in the description. I knew what was going on so all I could do is try and enjoy the double meaning but I think it would be far more effective if we think we know the meaning and then the ending catches us by surprise thus making us feel like perverted losers!

    Very entertaining all the same.

    The excitement rises? HAH!
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      Hahahaa! Well you certainly do have a way with words . . . I'll give you that. I've never heard fishing described so . . . ummm, well, you make it sound like such fun!

    It's good to be reminded every so often just how the mind tends to make assumptions and that what you see isn't necessarily what you get.

    How true that is!
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]


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