Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Father of Mine II



Author: k.o.malley
ASL Info:    28/female/seattle
Elite Ratio:    3.77 - 50 /66 /30
Words: 342
Class/Type: Misc /Serious
Total Views: 939
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1921



Description:


i wrote the first father of mine after recieving a letter from my father telling me of my youngest brothers sucide. This one i wrote after hearing of my father inprisonment for possible having something to do with that as well as him killing a man "because he can". After many years of struggle i believed my father was a good man who loved his new family in away he wasn't able to with me. This justified our past to me, now i just don't know... Enjoy


Father of Mine II





Father of mine
Please read the words my shaking hands scream,
Out of fear that you won’t hear me.
The lady you raised has something she must say.
The words are carved in my heart,
So that everyone who sees me knows what beats within me.

Father of Mine
Please know you own my loyalties; you will find me by your side defying distance and time.
Clearly you are badly broken and falling to pieces,
If you had been true to me, I could have been there to catch the debris.
With your faith and trust as tools to use you’d see I could repair just about anything.

Father of Mine
Please don’t guard yourself from what I am about to say; even bars can’t keep the hurt away.
Deceived into being a man before you had a chance to understand the meaning,
The child inside you seems to be angry for never getting the chance to breath.
Tell me; is that what you want for my siblings,
Should I also be angry?

Father of Mine
Please tell me you didn’t do these things, tell me that this is not the man you have chosen to be.
Look me in the eyes, the mirror image of your own, and lie to me,
Tell me that this is who you were meant to be,
That it was fate that made the mistake.

Father of Mine
Please realize that the trial has just begun, and you can be judged by no man,
For the punishment a soul receives for not fulfilling its destiny comes with eternity.
So the deal as I see it; is this;
Your time to rise up and stand on your feet is now, not then, not whenever, but today is the day you start recreating the legacy you will leave to me,
And all the others’ souls that believe in my daddy.
To become the great man you were always meant to be.
Nikki linn Shea 05/15




Submitted on 2005-06-14 10:05:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I like the flow of this. You have a meter which you work with, but it is not always consistent. I don't mean that as a bad thing. The flow was disrupted by that last stanza, verse. Here your dictation changes. It's like you are actually talking to your Dad in the last verse, like it forms part of a speach or a letter, where as the rest fall in the layers of poemous. Don't know if you get what I mean.

This piece is written with a lot of emotion. I get the feeling that this brings some sort of closure to you. It does to me, when I write stuff like this.

Lata
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds like in this situation you are choosing to play more of the parenting role to him. You have a lot of strength though you have been through so much and I admire you for that. It shows more about you then you could ever read or even see. You are an amazement.

I hope that your path leads to flowers and sunny blue skies...you deserve it.

Great Write...Seriously!

Li Li
| Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



62745