Description: What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?
But I wont let this build up.. -------------------------------------------
Rocking back and forth on my bed.
Listening to what is going on inside
my head.But i wont let this build
up inside me.
Flashbacks of you yelling hunt
me.Oh how badly i want to kill
you.How badly i wanna slice
your fucking neck.I think about
it and I wanna cry.I think about
it and I wanna die.But i wont
let this build upside of me.
The day is your time to attack
and the night is my time
to rest.When you sleep i lay
awake.When your awake i
try to lay asleep.I try avoid
your every move and make
sure i do as you say or
i will pay. but i wont let
this build up inside of me.
Your a beast of the devil
and your out to kill.But i wont
be your next victim nor mom.
I surely would take suffering
for her be for that comes true.
Your the devils brother and
hate lays on your heart.
But i wont let this build up in side
of me.
The little hope I had in you is faded away.
Your heart is cold.Your hands are
strong but when it comes to the
mind your weak.Inside you torn
me into pieces .But i wont let
this build up inside of me
To much pain and tears I am
sure you enjoy it for inside
your crack a grin the laugh
A son of the devil.A liar sent
From hell.But i wont let this
build up inside of me.
"The day is your time to attack and the night is my time to rest.When you sleep i lay awake.When your awake i try to lay asleep.I try avoid your every move and make sure i do as you say or i will pay. but i wont let this build up inside of me. "
it all just flowed. it made me feel the pain. i wouldnt change a think you did a great job jennifer
Hi,I appreciate your posting a review for my poem.It is one of the first ones I ever wrote.(needs a bit of work)But,enough of me. Your poem expressed the emotions of the person 'wanting to kill you.'It's cool how you write it the piece to some extent that the person in the poem is socializing with you alone. And,it is not a "happy-go-lucky" piece of writing.(I mean those are okay...),but I prefer ones that have emotions...whether it be deppression,ectasy,or whatever.You are the one feeling the 'character's' emotions.
Well,sorry for jabbering away.(I'm usually VERY quiet)I'll look forward to your other works.I'm might be writing two pieces called "Lucifer's Answer" and "Chasms of Damnation."
Submission Name: But I wont let this build up..
