Description: The rhyming jumps around, but thats what i like about it. Anything you have to say is fine. I wrote this because of all the shit i have to deal with because of my girlfriends mom. Being different, even at a young age, is hard. Eventually, things will change.....
i thought at first i would be disappointed because this would be another poorly written poem snivelling about stupid things, but i must say i was none disappointed. i love how you, whether wittingly or not, compared the wasted wadded up tissues being thrown away like you apparently feel right now. i also like how you told her that you still want to be a part of her whether it is accepted or not. overall good write. i wasnt a big fan of the random rhyme form, but whatever...this wasnt written for me, right?
I agree that this sort of jumps around a bit but it is clearly expressive and the flow is not interrupted too badly. I really like each stanza seperate from the rest and when put together the meaning behind the words is just intensified. Good work.
This stirred something in me, and I didn't expect it too. It's very honest and it reminds me of my own sleepless nights with too much on my mind. That being said, I think the poem could be cleaned up a bit.
First, there are some spelling and grammatical errors. Here your poem with all the mistakes corrected:
It's 5:00 in the morning and my body is shaking I don't just miss you, I need you Right now, i'd be yours for the taking
What I feel... it's more then need More than longing, more than desire Nothing can describe why there are tears Feeling like I've played with fire
I'm lost in you Nothing's ever the same But all along... There's really no one to blame
Why am I crying? At 5 in the [censored] morning? Because I can't sleep... there's something on my mind
Wasted tissues thrown aside raw emotion - nothing to hide See if you can explain what I feel Only she can make me heal
It's been so very [censored] long Since I've been "me" I'm sorry for the wasted time... I wish then I could have seen...
Seen how I stay awake at night wishing - going against everything I believe hoping - knowing its worthless praying - and knowing there's no god to recieve
Why do I cry? Why do I wake? Why do I hurt? Why do I shake?
Discarded tissues - thrown to the side So many nights I lay down and cry I watch the sun seep through my room Lying still, and wondering why?
Why? - because the words can't say What I really feel It's more then missing,longing or desire It's something that takes its time to heal...
And I want you to know.. That I'll stop being broken When I don't have to cry at 5 a.m. Thinking of all the words that have yet to be spoken
The second is completely up to your discretion. to me, the poem feels to long. I think you repeat your self alot, and although that may of been your intent, it weakens the power of the poem.
Other than that, thank you for sharing this little piece of yourself.