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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Discarded Tissuesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PsychoBabble214
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.52 - 103/109/29
    Words: 265
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1309
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1796



    Description:
       The rhyming jumps around, but thats what i like about it. Anything you have to say is fine. I wrote this because of all the shit i have to deal with because of my girlfriends mom. Being different, even at a young age, is hard. Eventually, things will change.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDiscarded Tissuesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's 5:00 in the morning
    and my body is shaking
    I don't just miss you, I need you
    Right now, i'd be yours for the taking

    What I feel... it's more then need
    More than longing, more than desire
    Nothing can describe why there's tears
    Feeling like I've played with fire

    I'm lost in you
    Nothings ever the same
    But all along...
    Theres really no one to blame

    Why am I crying? -
    At 5 in the fucking morning?
    Because I can't sleep...
    theres something on my mind

    Wasted tissues thrown aside
    raw emotion-nothing to hide
    See if you can explain what I feel
    Only she can make me heal

    It's been so very fucking long
    Since I've been "me"
    I'm sorry for the wasted time...
    I wish then i could have seen...

    Seen how I stay awake at night
    wishing-going against everything i believe
    hoping- knowing its worthless
    praying- and knowing there's no god to recieve

    Why do I cry?
    Why do I wake?
    Why do I hurt?
    Why do I shake?

    Discarded tissues- thrown to the side
    So many nights i lay down and cry
    I watch the sun seep through my room
    Lying still, and wondering why?

    Why?- because the words can't say
    What i really feel
    It's more then missing,longing or desire
    It's something that takes its time to heal...

    And I want you to know..
    That i'll stop being broken
    When I don't have to cry at 5 a.m.
    Thinking of all the words that have yet to be spoken




    Submitted on 2005-06-14 23:28:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i thought at first i would be disappointed because this would be another poorly written poem snivelling about stupid things, but i must say i was none disappointed. i love how you, whether wittingly or not, compared the wasted wadded up tissues being thrown away like you apparently feel right now. i also like how you told her that you still want to be a part of her whether it is accepted or not. overall good write. i wasnt a big fan of the random rhyme form, but whatever...this wasnt written for me, right?
    | Posted on 2005-06-14 00:00:00 | by brokenroses | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that this sort of jumps around a bit but it is clearly expressive and the flow is not interrupted too badly. I really like each stanza seperate from the rest and when put together the meaning behind the words is just intensified. Good work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
      This stirred something in me, and I didn't expect it too. It's very honest and it reminds me of my own sleepless nights with too much on my mind. That being said, I think the poem could be cleaned up a bit.

    First, there are some spelling and grammatical errors. Here your poem with all the mistakes corrected:

    It's 5:00 in the morning
    and my body is shaking
    I don't just miss you, I need you
    Right now, i'd be yours for the taking

    What I feel... it's more then need
    More than longing, more than desire
    Nothing can describe why there are tears
    Feeling like I've played with fire

    I'm lost in you
    Nothing's ever the same
    But all along...
    There's really no one to blame

    Why am I crying?
    At 5 in the [censored] morning?
    Because I can't sleep...
    there's something on my mind

    Wasted tissues thrown aside
    raw emotion - nothing to hide
    See if you can explain what I feel
    Only she can make me heal

    It's been so very [censored] long
    Since I've been "me"
    I'm sorry for the wasted time...
    I wish then I could have seen...

    Seen how I stay awake at night
    wishing - going against everything I believe
    hoping - knowing its worthless
    praying - and knowing there's no god to recieve

    Why do I cry?
    Why do I wake?
    Why do I hurt?
    Why do I shake?

    Discarded tissues - thrown to the side
    So many nights I lay down and cry
    I watch the sun seep through my room
    Lying still, and wondering why?

    Why? - because the words can't say
    What I really feel
    It's more then missing,longing or desire
    It's something that takes its time to heal...

    And I want you to know..
    That I'll stop being broken
    When I don't have to cry at 5 a.m.
    Thinking of all the words that have yet to be spoken

    The second is completely up to your discretion. to me, the poem feels to long. I think you repeat your self alot, and although that may of been your intent, it weakens the power of the poem.

    Other than that, thank you for sharing this little piece of yourself.
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by Ratboy | [ Reply to This ]


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    62862

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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