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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gone like the winddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dead,yetalive
    ASL Info:    19,female, mia FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 100/104/28
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1061
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 755



    Description:
       I want to dedicate this poem to Matthew (not that that's anything new). I actually came up with the title before the actual poem. I was laying on my bed thinking "Man, I think this just might be the end... he's gone... gone like the wind" Of course previous to him hanging up on me twice one of my best friends and I were talking about the book "Gone with the wind" not that I'd ever read it (I never got the chance to). In the part that reads "So you gave me a quiz?" I mean I feel like just because I called him and wished him happy bithday after we broke up he's testing me to see how much or if I still like him... at least that's what I feel like. *sigh* *silent crying* tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGone like the winddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm not sure what I did wrong
    Or what someone else did right
    But I need you to come talk to me
    I really don't want a fight
    I know that I'm not perfect
    But then again who is
    I wished you happy birthday
    So you gave me a quiz?
    Just make my situation worse
    It's not as if I care
    The only guy I've ever known
    Who would even dare
    To want me as his girlfriend
    And mean it with his heart
    At least I thought now I'm not sure
    Because now we're apart
    Now you won't even talk to me
    I feel somehow I've sinned
    I guess you thought I wouldn't mind
    That you're gone like the wind




    Submitted on 2005-06-15 12:06:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like ur poems. they are all short yet still keeping that mystery edge.

    Well, D-Ink here likes it.
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by D-Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very well written poem! I thought it all flowed well from one line to the next and I could feel the sorrow within your words. I sympathize with you as I have felt like this before and it is an awful feeling! Men can really be insensitive and selfish and hopefully you will remain strong and move on. Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and will make you happy. Life is too short to waste time on people like this! Anyway, overall I felt this was a great poem! Take care!

    Lorna

    Noticing the date this was written, I hope you are feeling better now and this guy is behind you now!! Best wishes to you!!
    | Posted on 2005-08-01 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      so much drama so many boy problems.. just don't know what to say.. you are a very nice person and an extremly good poet.. what more does a guy want?? so i don't know what those problems are about neither do i want to ask questions.. but this piece is thought and planned to end up like an insult but over and over again instead of insulting the person who deserves it, you bring it about on yourself without reckoning.. think about that...
    | Posted on 2005-08-10 00:00:00 | by solemnpen | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good poem, there are no spelling errors and the flow of the poem is there the whole way through, but i think that the poem would be easier to read if you had it in stanzas like
    "I'm not sure what I did wrong
    Or what someone else did right
    But I need you to come talk to me
    I really don't want a fight

    I know that I'm not perfect
    But then again who is
    I wished you happy birthday
    Meanwhile there's a new fizz
    Just make my situation worse
    It's not as if I care"
    and then so on and so forth, there are a lot of different emotions that come through this poem and i'm sorry you had a bad relationship, just remember that there will be another guy better then the last(unless you have bad taste, but most girls don't)

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      MMm...the genius of your title wasn't what pulled me to reading this poem, it was that not all the letters were capitalized. Anyway, fadingperson's statement of: "there are no spelling errors" is quite untrue, and I can prove that both of you need to look closer at this:
    "Now yoyu won't"
    It's one word, but it's there, and it bugs me.
    Another thing that fadingwhat'shisface lied to you about: "and the flow of the poem is there the whole way through"

    I understand that he/she or both could have felt that and are entitled to their own high opinions but I personally thought this lacked rhythm. The count of the syllables in each verse is very important. As I read it I kept stumbling all over the place because of its randomness. Some verses weren't even needed, no significance at all.
    You have to understand that poems have structures too. It may be art, and those so called structures could be of your own creation, give the darn thing some backbone. Use commas, capitalizations in the right areas and words, use drama but don't suck it dry of reality.

    Suven
    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]


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