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    dots Submission Name: Feather Beddots

    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 726
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 601

       A feeble attempt @ a Love poem....Love,Peace,Joy!!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFeather Beddots

    Lay me down
    on your feather bed
    of cloud

    Spread your wings
    embracing my love
    so proud

    Fly me away
    to the stars
    of night

    Close my eyes
    and reveal me
    true sight

    Rise me slowly
    as the rising
    of the sun

    Flow with me
    as a wave
    of only one

    Commune with me
    as the breaking
    of the bread

    Kiss me all over
    as we sink
    into the feather bed

    Submitted on 2005-06-15 17:45:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the romance involved in this poem. The coupling and union of souls was described so well here. It is short, and does not get "mushy". Very nice. Smiles
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Traveller | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the short punctual style of this and I am no fan of love poems. I guess this style could be put to better use (sorry to fans of love poems) but this was good. you had a nice flow, almost a beat to it. Good job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the short stanzas. It was a love poem, however, so it didn't jump out at me or make me jump with joy or anything. It takes a lot for me to really appreciate a love poem because most of them end up not being about love. Anyway... it's nice. Not too long, not too short. The imagery was alright.

    Word I applaud you for using: sink.

    | Posted on 2005-06-15 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      Lay me down on your feather bed of cloud
    Spread your wings embracing my love so proud
    Fly me away to the stars of night
    Close my eyes to reveal true sight {my tr..}
    Rise me slowly as the rising sun {of the}
    Flow with me as a wave of one {only}
    Commune with me as the breaking of bread {the}
    Kiss me all over, sunk in the feather bed {as we sink into}

    I think I like the longer lines for this one and your flow works well. I do think some of the lines sound forced but only slightly. It's a sweet write, you've done a wonderful job.
    And my ideas are just that, use them if you like.
    peace and love,
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey how about that? A love,peace,joy poem about love! Irony? I think not! Very uncliché for a love poem (most times they are too cliché :)) Your rhyme scheme worked well no flaws that I can seeith :)

    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ]
      Tiff you managed to write a beautifully sweet love poem using very few words. And I believe the tempo and flow are spot on. This is a good write and I have no negative comments.
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]

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