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    dots Submission Name: Michaelangelo's Creationdots

    Author: JKPS613
    ASL Info:    21 / f / GA / USA
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 388/377/47
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1534
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 536

       Yeah, wrote this for a real person. Incidentally, he helped me edit it (TWICE, haha) without knowing it was about him.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMichaelangelo's Creationdots

    Flesh so pale
    With a permanent twinge
    Of apricot-coloured passion
    Shining through the
    Scattered scars
    Barely hinted on your arms.
    Dusty blue eyes
    Clear as the summerís morning light.
    Tell me, as you run your hands
    Through your sandy hair,
    How does it feel,
    How does it feel,
    To be a beautiful young man
    Created in the image
    Of radiant majesty?
    You are a darling collection
    Of everything I want
    But cannot call my own.

    Submitted on 2005-06-16 12:30:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. Nice description of something so wonderful just out of your reach. I really like it. I think I'll add it to my fave list. Great job.

    - -Oli
    | Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont usually like poetry that doesn't ryhme, but this brilliant work proves that there is indeed an exception to everything.

    you portrayed longing beautifully, well i think portray is the wrong word... whatever,anyway

    "You are a darling collection
    Of everything I want
    But cannot call my own."
    this is my favorite part, i'm not really sure why, these lines just grabbed me.
    i'll be sure to read more of your work.
    have a lovely day

    P.S. i hope the one longed for wises up
    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      It's really good... the words seemed to flow with a grace hardly seen in poems today. I enjoyed it but I think that some of the words should be changed because it made me feel like I was reading about a little boy and it made me feel creepy... no loffence to you or your piece... it was well written though... good job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice. the words flowed very well. lots emotion. but please dont take offense but the description reminds me of a pediphile. change the words a little please but dont lose the grace. but on the all its a beautiful piece of work. I thought of Michealangelo's David afterwards. hmmm...how much for a ticket to Italy again?
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very nice piece dedicated 2 the man who doesn't apparently know your feelings but maybe he will from this wonderful piece. I really liked, "You are a darling collection
    Of everything I want
    But cannot touch." I loved the title 2! Love,Peace,Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hey I see the update. I've been gone for awhile. but it's still graceful and not nearly so 'priest and boy locked in a confessional' feeling anymore. that's sweet about the aim with your david. good work on the repair. i shall make it my first fav so far. congrats.
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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