Michaelangelo's Creation by JKPS613

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Submission Name: Michaelangelo's Creation dots

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Author:	JKPS613
ASL Info:	17 / f / GA / USA
Elite Ratio:	2.99 - 388/377/47
Words:	75

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	327
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	536

Description:
Yeah, wrote this for a real person. Incidentally, he helped me edit it (TWICE, haha) without knowing it was about him.

Michaelangelo's Creation dots

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Flesh so pale
With a permanent twinge
Of apricot-coloured passion
Shining through the
Scattered scars
Barely hinted on your arms.
Dusty blue eyes
Clear as the summer’s morning light.
Tell me, as you run your hands
Through your sandy hair,
How does it feel,
How does it feel,
To be a beautiful young man
Created in the image
Of radiant majesty?
You are a darling collection
Of everything I want
But cannot call my own.

Submitted on 2005-06-16 12:30:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I like this. Nice description of something so wonderful just out of your reach. I really like it. I think I'll add it to my fave list. Great job.

- -Oli
| Posted on 2006-02-28 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
  i dont usually like poetry that doesn't ryhme, but this brilliant work proves that there is indeed an exception to everything.

you portrayed longing beautifully, well i think portray is the wrong word... whatever,anyway

"You are a darling collection
Of everything I want
But cannot call my own."
this is my favorite part, i'm not really sure why, these lines just grabbed me.
i'll be sure to read more of your work.
have a lovely day
-Kate.

P.S. i hope the one longed for wises up
eventually.
| Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
  It's really good... the words seemed to flow with a grace hardly seen in poems today. I enjoyed it but I think that some of the words should be changed because it made me feel like I was reading about a little boy and it made me feel creepy... no loffence to you or your piece... it was well written though... good job.
| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  very nice. the words flowed very well. lots emotion. but please dont take offense but the description reminds me of a pediphile. change the words a little please but dont lose the grace. but on the all its a beautiful piece of work. I thought of Michealangelo's David afterwards. hmmm...how much for a ticket to Italy again?
| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a very nice piece dedicated 2 the man who doesn't apparently know your feelings but maybe he will from this wonderful piece. I really liked, "You are a darling collection
Of everything I want
But cannot touch." I loved the title 2! Love,Peace,Joy!
| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  hey I see the update. I've been gone for awhile. but it's still graceful and not nearly so 'priest and boy locked in a confessional' feeling anymore. that's sweet about the aim with your david. good work on the repair. i shall make it my first fav so far. congrats.
| Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]

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