[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: without herdots

    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 35
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1401
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 179


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswithout herdots

    Without her love I live without joy,
    without her kiss I have no home.
    Without her arms, her laughs, her voice,
    I'm without life without a choice.

    Submitted on 2005-06-16 18:42:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      all i can say is that this is far to little. it seems as though you're trying to carry through this a sense of desperation and longing. but something that deep can't be summed up into such little words. at least i haven't seen it yet. so why don't you go deeper with this? expose all the ugliness and beauty behind it. purge all those emotions you can't show at work or in public. show what it means. how you see it everywhere. the best way is to go as deep as you can. and this just seems like the surface. i'd be interested in reading this re written with a little more given
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ]
      Short, sweet, and to the point. A nice change. Sometimes, I felt as thought the wording was a bit...un-natural.

    " Without her love I live without joy,
    without her kiss I have no home.
    Without her arms, her laughs, her voice,
    I'm without life without a choice."

    I felt the last line should have been something like "I'm without life...I have no choice." But maybe that's just my style. Anyways, like I said before a nice short and sweet write. Keep on writing there, Peace.

    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]