Perfect destruction, complete annihilation-
All except for a solitary rose.
Afraid of peace, loving to be in a rush,
Time blows by, scattering unsupported memories.
Bottled-up thirst, craving supplements
Petals struggle to stay nourished.
A tempted heart, a wanting mind
Is contained within the beauty of the thorns.
Balanced imperfection, a stumbling angel
Struggles to get out, tries to shatter the walls
A blissfull stillness follows the simple chaos
As the captured soul gives in to the residing power.
I am brittle stregnth, a flexible force
If I am held captive, I shall wreak havoc.
Pure darkness smothers a tainted light
As my poison seeps and intoxicates this rose.
Wonderful disaster kills that horrible tranquility
While this flow'r is transformed into a beautiful darkness.
| this is a strange mixture of something i like and something i hate. first of all i don't like the way this is set up. i use the same structure from time to time but for some reason this doesn't work for me. the darkness in this piece is rather attractive and the use of metaphor(though cliché' at times) seems to work rather well. the thing is the mentallity behind this seems so...... the same.|
this seems to me like it screams strength. or giving up. it depends on what way i read it and how i interpret it. i'd wish it screams strength, but the darker interpretation i have of this is far more interesting.
all in all it's not bad. it's just. meh
|| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ] || love it! you ( and a few others) are some of the only few teenagers who actually know who they are. these people don't know you, but let me just say that you are soo right. like it or not. the one thing you hate most is being judged from the outside, and that's what people like to do with you. cruel. so now i will attempt at being helpul now... well I love the jam-packed metaphors. its perfect. i really cant think of anything to fix. once again. but you could get into another of your many sides... the one where you try too hard and ruin everything, the one on the light side that just exists in the moment without letting the pain get to it, the one the lives always in the sorrow of the future because it knows that everything ends with final goodbyes. now im just depressing myself. crap. you get the point. theres a lot to you, jen. more than everyone knows. even me. this is one that could definitely be added to. Love ya, toxic side and all. because I'm becoming immune to the poison, and I don't mind the thorns.|
SUNNY for now... but soon RAINY
|| Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by sunnyrain | [ Reply to This ] |