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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 'One time, at band camp...."dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ajyra
    ASL Info:    18/female
    Elite Ratio:    4.19 - 65/57/22
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 331
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 851



    Description:
       This is for a few of my friends, who, once I mentioned that, not only do I play flute, but that I have also been to band camp, decided to use the movie "American Pie" to haunt me until the day I die. As I wrote this on the spur of the moment, any comments on how to improve the words used, or on how to structure this better are greatly appreciated.
    :3


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots'One time, at band camp...."dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Oh, the summer!

    Full to the brim, with
    volunteering, jobs, and
    work, of all types.

    By far, however, the
    Most fun will always be
    Marching band!

    Hours of sweaty effort,
    The weariness deep felt,
    but the bonds are year-long.

    My section, the flutes, are
    Switched, made to learn the
    piccolo, an instrument I love, but
    the fear of that one line, now
    Immortal in American culture,
    Lingers.

    Cursed is the movie,
    "American Pie",
    by all floutists, who
    suffer at their
    'friends' banter.

    Now, this cursed line shall
    Always, now and forever,
    haunt me and my fellow
    floutists:

    "One time, at band camp..."




    Submitted on 2005-06-16 19:02:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      lol this poem is best described as cute one cant read the title and smile in memory and well i guess i can see what your saying about how that line could affect u *chuckles* the poem is i would say nice and serious quite calm nothing fancy in it maybe that has a charm of its own and the ending does bring a laugh so i think it achieved its purpose
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cute. The title also drove me in to give it a gander. I guess that's where the comedy comes in. I do thave to agree though, that you just left us hanging there. Maybe if you added a little bit more to it or something, it would have more appeal. But at the same time, this was written for you and you're the one that'll look back at this and understand the inside jokes and times you shared with your friends. It's all a matter of how in depth you yourself would want to go with it.
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]



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