i liked your idea, it made sense to me and i agree. i liked how you repeated the word control- made wht u were trying to say more powerful. i just dont think its long enough. my advice would be to go back and add some stanzas.
i have to agree i think you need to make it longer. you have a good start with this piece. i liked it . i think that it is good. good luck with getting your poetic groove back. lia
It's way too short for deeply engrossing. Add some lines to all those situations. Create a ambience. For now, it's worth a read and seems like it says lot of unsaid things. Good luck!
I like how you can read only the short lines, and they make sense as a sentence. I like the parallel structure in the stanzas. This is a pretty good minimalist effort. It's good to see you around, Amy
I actually think this is really good, for a short poem. I have the problem of making them too short, but sometimes it works because what you are saying is clear. Kind of makes the words more meaningful...I like how each stanza fits together and ties into each other so much. Overall I think its good and it works.
Submission Name: Control
