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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Damnationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 864
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 885



    Description:
       hmmmmmm life can be so gloomy and dark at days when u lose all u hold dear...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDamnationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    taste my blood, taste my pain
    i reach out for madness to keep me sane

    i remembered the laughter, i held back the tears
    i called out to god, to save me from fears

    but he didnt answer my feeble prayer
    i cried out for mercy, but he didnt care

    so the shadows engulfed me, they took my soul
    they gave me the answers i thought made me whole

    the emptiness was filled with anger and hate
    then did god answer but it was too late

    my soul was lost and my choice was made
    i walked to the edges as they slowly frayed


    and the earth crumbeled and i started to fall
    and anguish betrayed me and stifled my call

    i keep on falling to eternity's end
    damnation is mine... will it be yours my friend?







    Submitted on 2005-06-16 20:05:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There is never a position that God will put you in that He doesn't think you can handle....but YOU can always put yourself in a position that you can't handle. So many lose a lack of trust in the Lord due to small prayers not being answered. But in all actuallity....he stands there....by your side....knowing that you can overcome the obstacle that has been placed before you. He is there to keep you from harm....but when you place yourself in a position....you show to Him that you can handle it.....therefore....he will wait for you to overcome your decision. When the time comes and you truly need His help....and He knows you need his help....He will be there.

    Keep your head up and always have faith.

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      Just wondering if this is supposed to be damnation? Either way I'll take it that way. The poem was alright, but I think you should change the line that says...

    then did god answer but then was too late

    it doesn't flow and quite frankly, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

    i reach out for madness to keep me sane

    That line above, that is a wonderful line. I really liked that in this piece. You captured the dark emotion, the pain of seeking answers that don't come until it's too late. What I would like to see more of is people writing about grabbing a hold of their destinies and prevailing, instead of all this dark depressing stuff. Mind you, that's what most of my poetry is about. There are so many poems with this same message in them...you need to find a way to make yours stand out above the rest. The writing itself is not bad at all. Keep it up!
    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. The emotion is real. This captured your reader. I loved this line:

    "i reach out for madness to keep me sane"

    I feel like that some times and I like when people use lines like that. oxy- morons are always good.

    This poem was really good and I know I'm repeating what dreamweaver said but this line:

    "then did god answer but then was too late"

    it doesn't fit. I think you should change it to something like:

    Then God answered but it was too late

    You just need to take out the "did". But thats just a suggestion. But all in all this was a good poem. great job.

    -Catilin
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Oli | [ Reply to This ]
      it is a pretty good poem all in all... i think you should cut the lines in half though... i think where you have the commas in each line you should make that a new line... just to help the flow... other than that i really liked it... i still liked it i just found it a little more confusing... it must just be me... enjoy
    | Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good; it flowed well in all parts bar one...
    then did god answer but then was too late
    but you can fix that by adding : but BY then it was too late. I think this is emotional and it rhymes well without feeling forced and i love some of the imagery this creates. Im pretty sure you meant damnation not damanation... so thats the way i read it. Good work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]


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