Alright, it wasn’t too long ago
You were that little boy, I know
We kissed behind the highest hedge
Sitting on the decks grassy edge
Hiking around to the cows in the wood
Doing everything together we possibly could
I look back to those innocent days
Mud pies and rain, wildflower boquets
I remember, we were best friends
We were protected and happy back then
Time went on and older we grew
When I left that day, somehow I knew
Years and years drift on, but why...
I think I’ll finally say so long, goodbye.
| I really enjoyed reading "Wildflower Kisses" because it was beautifully descriptive, and the ending was perfect, and a little sad. Loved it!|
By the way, the title is great, it caught my attention.
|| Posted on 2006-11-18 00:00:00 | by Lost_Delirious | [ Reply to This ] || I'm seriously impressed with this one. Your meter is spot on in this one. It flows so beautifully. I like the rhyme, especially the inner rhyme. U stirred happy memories. I like the shortness of it. It just all seems so fitting to the whole theme. Great !!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe!!!!!||| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ] || It is sweet and simple, not really something I loved but it is good.|
I guess the thing is when i think of like times, people and places I think of them so much more vivid, my mind wonders and I am taken back. I was hoping you would send me back to one of those times but you didn't.
All I am saying is you could of dug deeper into your memory and shared a bit more.
It was a lovely peice but I see it on a card or something.
|| Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by k.o.malley | [ Reply to This ] || first of all i will give you some props in one catagory and one catagory alone. the flow in this is great. very lyrical. i think this if chopped up and added to right could make some decent lyrics. it rymes very well and naturally but it get's a little boring with the wholl aa bb format. |
now here is my judgment on the rest of the piece.
this seems to much like a story that happens to ryme.
i see stuff like this it's boring because i see it all the time.
it's the same thing in the same style as what other people make.
it;s like you try and make it so sweet i get icing when i want some cake.
see what i mean? it's easy enough to pull something that rymes out of the top of your head. you seem to have alot of potential. but i think, judging mainly from this piece, that you need to try a little more experimenting. try deeper metaphors. make it so that the reader can't tell exactly what it means. for me the best part of poetry is the exploration and the fact that you can grow as a reader/writer/person through it. so if you want to make something a little more permanent. then try and make the journey a little longer and the roads a bit less expected.
|| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by Skillessbasterd | [ Reply to This ] || I just loved this poem, for a couple of reasons. first off the lines where you wrote "I look back to those innocent days. Mud pies and rain, wildflower boquets. I remember, we were best friends. We were protected and happy back then. Time went on and older we grew" remindes me of pink floyd's wish you were here, talking about how you we're as a child and how all your dreams and heroes fadded away from no worries to lifes truths and stress. Wishing the child part of him was there now to comfort and help him. His mind as a child and mind as adult, the two lost souls livving in a fish bowl.|
Two I love how you mention being best friends and true memories of your happy past. I feel you there.
Another was the fact you wrote of happy things and sad things, ending it with being able to let go tops it off because thats the hardest part of life to deal with, letting go of loved ones.
Your poem created a vision with a story well, well written and flowed perfectly from word to word with imagery and emotions ending in a happy sad settle way. This was eqily leveled out on the sense of deepness. All and all I say you did a real good job and I'm impressed with it. You just got on my fave list.
|| Posted on 2005-06-16 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ] |