Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Marriage of 3dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shombray
    ASL Info:    18/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 103/91/26
    Words: 288
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 677
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1689



    Description:
       The reason why I wrote this is because most people think that when you get married or you are with someone it is just the two of you .But sometimes your partner can bring some unexpecteg luggage.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMarriage of 3dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was so stupidly blind to see
    That Iwould be in marriage of 3
    I really do love being his wife
    And can't see him out of my life

    Everything was good on the wedding day
    There was no problems or any dismay
    The honeymoon was like a dream
    Forever me and him would be a team

    At first he'd spend every day with me
    But now he's always so busy
    He used to come in at night around 8
    But now he comes fashionably late

    He always has lipstick on his face
    And loves to go over to her place
    She even washes and dries his clothes
    When I try to wash them he says no

    He gives her gifts and gives her money
    She says "Oh your so sweet honey"
    Sometimes she even comes over here
    And tries to be sweet and call me dear

    This woman is driving me insane
    She is really wrecking my brain
    He tells me to listen to her advice
    Because she is trying to be nice

    Oh there she is knocking at the door
    I don't know if I can take it anymore
    I open the door and she says "where's he at"
    Right now I want to hit her face with a bat


    He comes running down the stairs
    And goes and pulls her out a chair
    He says" How have you been mother"
    "Guess what I have just discovered"

    And there they go on just chatting away
    She can always find a way to ruin my day
    I hate that Iwas too blind to see
    That this would be a marraige of 3






    Submitted on 2005-06-17 03:03:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      some guys are a mothers boy but that is an awsome twist at the end i usually look for a dramatic ending and i was even surprised but thats good this does seem to capture the essence of a mothers boy what inspired you? is your b/f a mothers boy? well either way take care girl and keep up the good work
    kristen
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by darkonesgirl | [ Reply to This ]
      a lil mums blouse (in the nicest possible way...)
    its not hard to have a marriage of three these days though... boy and girl and sport, fashion, work, ex's, parents, pasts and the list goes on and on and on and on...

    personally im not reals good with rhyme pieces (but i recognize that is fully me) but sometimes rhyme seems to minimalise the point the writer is trying to get across...

    the twist at the end... that the she in his life was the mother was well done and not completely expected though i had a sneaking suspicion with the washing clothes part... no one seems to be able to wash clothes as well as mothers somehow...

    im not sure though that it is intentional of the mother to ruin your day though... perhaps just because you feel so on the outer and resent the large part of the marrage she seems to occupy that that is why it seems shes out to ruin your day but really shes just a mother who loves her son and cant let go... and doesnt know her place...

    good write.
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      You know in most cases it is the guy that can't grow up and let go of mama. But in my case with my first wife it was she that couldn't let go of moma and so I can really relate to what you are saying here. I think you have a good write,
    !Doc`
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice subject you picked up. Especially that you are still 17 so logically never married.
    A mature piece in a light way.

    You should change was to were in V2 - S2.

    I think you should work more on your rhythm too, because it loses flow at times.
    V2- S2 again is an example.

    I like the way u mislead reader into thinking the man has a lover to show later on that it is his mother.

    Good read basically
    Peace
    Viviane
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    63152

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry