The Seduction of Murder by Ata

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Submission Name: The Seduction of Murder dots

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Author:	Ata_Khai
ASL Info:	16/M/US
Elite Ratio:	2.83 - 31/46/16
Words:	177

Class/Type:	Prose/Vampire
Total Views:	299
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1233

Description:
Not much of a description... I'm not sure what I was feeling when I wrote this. Ah, my friend, confusion. You love to rest with me...

The Seduction of Murder dots

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Bound under silky sheets she lies in wait
Born of the lifeless, once immortal
Raped by the barbaric wolves of the North
Her virgin blood spilled
She now lies in wait to seduce

Their silken goddess of murder

Exalted, she lies, pale skin and dark hair
The approaching satisfaction of lycan desires
Burning deep into the minds
Of the growling warriors
Guttural cries to temp the dead

Scarlet streams
Open mouths for death to taste
Rasping screeches ripped from throats
Born on rising winds

Clothed in blood, that silken goddess of murder
Robed in the scarlet life of the wolves
She falls into the arms of that vampiric prince
Her lover to carry
Sworn to her since that romance began

Seductive smiles mask her eyes
Porcelain regret shatters on stone
The blade penetrates into her very heart
Another corpse to burn

Slowly the silken goddess of murder
Wanders from the bedchamber
A silken smile masking her eyes
As she licks her vampiric blood
Cleaning her dagger for another seduction of murder

Submitted on 2005-06-17 05:47:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Oh, wow. I really like that. Really really really a lot. Although, I don't know what "lycan" means. Anyhow.

See, this is good, because it's a story, but it's not a story about you (heh, at least I don't think it is), so there's obviously no use of "I" or anything like that. Plus, it's got a beginning that hooks and an end that doesn't just...DIE. You wrote the story, made it rhyme, drew it out, and drew us in. Very good.
| Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by JKPS613 | [ Reply to This ]
  *tempt*
This poem is totally not my style... but it's really well-written. I got confused b/c in the beginning I thought Their silken goddess of murder was the one she was going to seduce. In the end it becomes clear that SHE is the goddess of murder. Maybe it's just me, but could that be cleared up a bit?
| Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by GwendolynGrace | [ Reply to This ]
  I noticed that too, but I added the break, signifying that it was apparent from the previous line. It was the best thing I could think of. Thanks for the advice/feedback.
| Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by Ata_Khai | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I really can't wait to read more of your writing. You seem to have a mastery on descriptive language and it is very captivating. A little more punctuation might help.
| Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by literary lover | [ Reply to This ]

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