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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ashesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 777
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 404



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAshesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes when I'm with you
    everything turns gray.
    The beauty disappears.
    The world becomes a pile of ashes,
    and I start to suffocate.
    I try not to surrender
    to the claustrophobic blandness,
    but sometimes the ashes get into my blood.
    I abhor the feeling
    because you used to make
    my world explode
    like the Fourth of July.




    Submitted on 2004-04-09 01:54:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      it sounds like a contradiction in the begninning, but when when i think about it, after the fireworks, what's left are ashes. this is a really great write.
    | Posted on 2004-04-12 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      A great use of contrast in this one. I really like your use of claustrophobic blandness, in conjunction with the sufocating. Why do relationships turn from fireworks to only the burned out ashes and empty cartridges?
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-04-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Powerful poem. I fell the chill of feeling ashes running in my veins, almost felt violated.
    Is July 4th the Independence Day?
    | Posted on 2004-04-09 00:00:00 | by smart_yak | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it too. I especially like the imagery of ashes invading your blood stream.
    | Posted on 2004-04-09 00:00:00 | by pawnee | [ Reply to This ]
      Cuddle, this is a winner. I call these kind of people black holes - they suck thelife out of everything. I wasn't expecting the end because I was thinking about my own particular experience, so the exploding line had double the effect. I don't have anything to suggest - you're on top of it.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-04-09 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]


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