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    dots Submission Name: fusion 'n' disintegration.dots

    Author: wilted_
    ASL Info:    20/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 138/110/29
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 983

       another of my random pieces. comments will be greatly appreciated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfusion 'n' disintegration.dots

    her future departed into my past.
    and so I waited,
    to come back as the one
    who went away.
    this is not me.
    this is she who withdraws into
    open seclusion.

    my side of the world sleeps
    as I stir in my wake.

    I arrive at the uncompromising stage where
    consciousness mingles with stupor -
    to feel or to
    simply acknowledge.
    funny how
    security can give way to
    vulnerability, constancy to
    fickleness and
    complexity to even
    greater intricacy.

    I willed into existence
    the intense need for solitude,
    for ties and correlations
    to disappear.
    or was I concealing
    the yearning for long
    overdue acceptance?

    the joy of seeking is
    and the risk of seeking is
    recovering yesterdays
    I once ditched into oblivion.

    Submitted on 2005-06-17 11:48:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Rachel, I like the paradoxes that you write of in this piece... it definitely seems schizophrenic in focus... or non-focus, I should say.

    'she is me who withdraws into
    open seclusion'
    - stands out to me as the central axis of this poem. Actually, everything about this piece is based upon contradictions and polar opposites that mesh together in a convincing way.

    In your title, don't you mean 'fusion' or is 'fushion' alluding to something else? I can't for the life of me think of anything that it's referring to unless it's a typo on your part.

    This part is a great outro -
    'the joy of seeking is
    and the risk of seeking is
    recovering yesterdays(,)
    I once ditched into oblivion.'
    - but I don't think you need you need the punctuation in brackets at all... with this piece, I think only the period at the end is necessary - the rest just hinders the rhythm somewhat. Perhaps just a comma after 'discovering'? But it's only a minor nitpick - your call, of course.

    Yea, I promised I'd get back to you on why I faved this. It's to the point and written in a way that I can appreciate on a personal level. I think I've felt exactly as you've written here quite a lot of times, so I can empathize with all of this totally.

    Nothing much to say except great piece!

    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      i must say as a newbie on the site. This is my second day visitting and this is one of the best I've read. I like the way it effortlessly flows. Maybe I just feel a little obscure and left out today but I liked reading it. Misery like to read about itself. Have a nice day! Ash.
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather liked this, a nice mix of contradictions and facts, to give a good idea of where your mind is at.
    I guess we all feel a bit schitzophrenic at times, and we need that "other self" to step in and take the hard knocks that life relentlessly serves out.
    Very nicely done, I liked it a lot, nothing to criticize.
    Be Happy

    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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