her future departed into my past.
and so I waited,
to come back as the one
who went away.
this is not me.
this is she who withdraws into
my side of the world sleeps
as I stir in my wake.
I arrive at the uncompromising stage where
consciousness mingles with stupor -
to feel or to
security can give way to
vulnerability, constancy to
complexity to even
I willed into existence
the intense need for solitude,
for ties and correlations
or was I concealing
the yearning for long
the joy of seeking is
and the risk of seeking is
I once ditched into oblivion.
Rachel, I like the paradoxes that you write of in this piece... it definitely seems schizophrenic in focus... or non-focus, I should say.
'she is me who withdraws into open seclusion' - stands out to me as the central axis of this poem. Actually, everything about this piece is based upon contradictions and polar opposites that mesh together in a convincing way.
In your title, don't you mean 'fusion' or is 'fushion' alluding to something else? I can't for the life of me think of anything that it's referring to unless it's a typo on your part.
This part is a great outro - 'the joy of seeking is discovering(.) and the risk of seeking is recovering yesterdays(,) I once ditched into oblivion.' - but I don't think you need you need the punctuation in brackets at all... with this piece, I think only the period at the end is necessary - the rest just hinders the rhythm somewhat. Perhaps just a comma after 'discovering'? But it's only a minor nitpick - your call, of course.
Yea, I promised I'd get back to you on why I faved this. It's to the point and written in a way that I can appreciate on a personal level. I think I've felt exactly as you've written here quite a lot of times, so I can empathize with all of this totally.
i must say as a newbie on the site. This is my second day visitting and this is one of the best I've read. I like the way it effortlessly flows. Maybe I just feel a little obscure and left out today but I liked reading it. Misery like to read about itself. Have a nice day! Ash.
I rather liked this, a nice mix of contradictions and facts, to give a good idea of where your mind is at. I guess we all feel a bit schitzophrenic at times, and we need that "other self" to step in and take the hard knocks that life relentlessly serves out. Very nicely done, I liked it a lot, nothing to criticize. Be Happy