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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: fusion 'n' disintegration.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wilted_
    ASL Info:    20/f/singapore
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 138/110/29
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 919
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 983



    Description:
       another of my random pieces. comments will be greatly appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfusion 'n' disintegration.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    her future departed into my past.
    and so I waited,
    to come back as the one
    who went away.
    this is not me.
    this is she who withdraws into
    open seclusion.

    my side of the world sleeps
    as I stir in my wake.

    I arrive at the uncompromising stage where
    consciousness mingles with stupor -
    to feel or to
    simply acknowledge.
    funny how
    security can give way to
    vulnerability, constancy to
    fickleness and
    complexity to even
    greater intricacy.

    perhaps
    I willed into existence
    the intense need for solitude,
    for ties and correlations
    to disappear.
    or was I concealing
    the yearning for long
    overdue acceptance?

    the joy of seeking is
    discovering,
    and the risk of seeking is
    recovering yesterdays
    I once ditched into oblivion.




    Submitted on 2005-06-17 11:48:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Rachel, I like the paradoxes that you write of in this piece... it definitely seems schizophrenic in focus... or non-focus, I should say.

    'she is me who withdraws into
    open seclusion'
    - stands out to me as the central axis of this poem. Actually, everything about this piece is based upon contradictions and polar opposites that mesh together in a convincing way.

    In your title, don't you mean 'fusion' or is 'fushion' alluding to something else? I can't for the life of me think of anything that it's referring to unless it's a typo on your part.

    This part is a great outro -
    'the joy of seeking is
    discovering(.)
    and the risk of seeking is
    recovering yesterdays(,)
    I once ditched into oblivion.'
    - but I don't think you need you need the punctuation in brackets at all... with this piece, I think only the period at the end is necessary - the rest just hinders the rhythm somewhat. Perhaps just a comma after 'discovering'? But it's only a minor nitpick - your call, of course.

    Yea, I promised I'd get back to you on why I faved this. It's to the point and written in a way that I can appreciate on a personal level. I think I've felt exactly as you've written here quite a lot of times, so I can empathize with all of this totally.

    Nothing much to say except great piece!
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      i must say as a newbie on the site. This is my second day visitting and this is one of the best I've read. I like the way it effortlessly flows. Maybe I just feel a little obscure and left out today but I liked reading it. Misery like to read about itself. Have a nice day! Ash.
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by SincerWritinAsh | [ Reply to This ]
      I rather liked this, a nice mix of contradictions and facts, to give a good idea of where your mind is at.
    I guess we all feel a bit schitzophrenic at times, and we need that "other self" to step in and take the hard knocks that life relentlessly serves out.
    Very nicely done, I liked it a lot, nothing to criticize.
    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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