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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Overturned, Thrown, Wroughtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 120
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1004
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOverturned, Thrown, Wroughtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I turned a phrase on my lathe
    but I got distracted
    by your face;
    now it's overturned.
    I threw an idea
    on my potter's wheel,
    but I was too ambitious,
    it flew off the machine
    and stuck to the wall;
    now it's overthrown.
    I posed a question
    as skilfully as a fashion model
    positions her body,
    but the target wasn't listening
    it decayed into the atmosphere
    never again to pass
    through my disappointed lips.
    All of my work is wasted, banished;
    all of my ideas are overwrought.
    Someday I'll learn to let the words fall
    and soar or shatter from their own merit or demerit
    like word children given room to play
    instead of facing my cruel discipline.




    Submitted on 2005-06-17 12:49:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this write

    We all tend to think the negative when we speak or write thinking that our message isnt getting across
    But I know thru experience sometimes years later a person you gave words to comes back and just lets you know how much your words influenced there lives
    I for one do not write for the solemn purpose of getting pats on the back
    I write to let others know a belief system in ones life is strong and can carry them thru any obstacle

    Take Care
    Ron

    And thank you for your recent comments
    I corrected the mistake you pointed out
    Im glad you liked it
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-10-29 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I haven't been around in awhile; thought I'd stop in and glad I did. I like this one very much. reminds me of missteps and if onlys and some of the mistakes I've made! but it was light hearted and accepting. nice job! how ya been? I haven't kept up like I should and my modem was knocked out by a storm. just got a new one today. hope you're doing well.
    | Posted on 2005-07-28 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the humor here, nice job with it. Lines like:

    i posed a question
    as skillfully as a fashion model
    positions her body

    are just terrific. Excellent write. [and I've felt like that more than once or twice too...]

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      The image of "allowing word children to play" is a great one, I can almost see you nurturing and disciplining your words into full, grown-up poems...such a neat idea. I really liked this one, it's so original, and the voice was really clear and honest. I really liked the line about posing your question like a fashion model...another neat thought. Great job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-27 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      THIS WAS LIKE A PICTURE VERY NICELY DONE FROM START TO FINISH sory about the caps i like your story lines alwaz a great write and very enjoyable read
    thanx for your previous comments
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      that's quite a title there young lady, grabbed my attention for sure...and the body supports it...and I think I understand this and can relate to it...what I see is your attempts to write something special...trying so hard that you are overdoing it...reaching too far...you try and tell yourself to just let it flow, but inspiration doesn't always cooperate that way.

    another excellent piece on the hardships of writing with high expectations of oneself. Very well done.
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      LoL I loved the opening of this. Getting distracted by a cute face. hehe Conor! :) The descriptions you used were good. Like the "idea" flying off the machine and the "target" not listening. I think that you did a great job because everyone feels like this sometimes. The words just aren't good enough or too much or just all messed up. :) I think we should all let our words just fall and soar for their own self. :) Much easier to write that way. Great piece! *Hugs*
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      someday i'll learn:
    let the words just fall
    watch them soar or shatter
    of their own accord
    like word children given room to play
    creating revelations I'll share.

    I hope you don't mind my playing with this, Amy dear. I love this poem, you have passed through a threshold of new skill with this one. It has a new and different form and it feels fresh. I won't have you being negative though in the last line. I have the edge of a perfectionist too, but it becomes an asset as I revel in editing, knowing when to stop is the key.

    I added the semi-colon because I think this draws your theme even closer in my mind. Such small things I've done, but I think they serve you and this poem well. This one is a fave, my dear.
    Hugs and French Silk pie.
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Not all things seem to be free flowing when it comes to writing.
    I realized that I am not alone with this.
    I loved this because it shows me.
    Thank You Amy.

    ~shawn
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      'as skillfully as a fashion model
    positions her body'
    GREAT choice of words!
    This is a powerful poem and there's open for interpretation. Like when you said
    "all of my work is wasted, banished"
    To me, it feels like all your hard work has gone to waste on whatever it may be (love, etc.)
    I like your style of writing it's intriguing.
    <3<3
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by shes automatic | [ Reply to This ]
      Well,I think you've succeeded in letting the world children play freely,and in fact,they soar from their own merit. All the words you choose to use,the way you phrase them,your work in general - none are overturned/overthrown/overwrought. None wasted or banished!
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      Holy crap! This was amazing. I am so glad to meet someone with similar thoughts about words. I actually have a joke with someone where I pretend to watch some words fall out of my mouth. Then we step on and smash the pretend words on the ground, and after that my friend picks them up and stuffs them back into my mouth. Ah, words are lovely things. And this poem is just a lovely. Wonderful piece, I must say. The only word in the entire thing that I don't think fits is 'cute'. For a poem with such elaborate words, 'cute' seems a little too simple.

    Anyway, nice job. I like it. Er... okay, I love it.

    {Kate}
    | Posted on 2005-06-17 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      "i turned a phrase on my lathe..." incredible begining and then you did! you do not disappoint Amy. your word play is fantastic!

    give those word children room to play! i've been hanging out with these young wordsmyths watching them play with words. discipline is good, in its place...

    great new work from you ladybug!
    !Cat @
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this dumplin'! The tone is unique. You state these things so matter-of-factly, but they are really quite touching. Your title and your execution of it throughout your piece is right on. My absolute favorite part is:

    "like word children given room to play"

    ...love that. Sorry this is so short, but I am in a mad rush this afternoon to get the house picked up, the laundry done, and dinner on the table before little Savanna's softball game this afternoon. I may come back later to read this again. It deserves a second and third time around. Maybe more.

    xoxoxooxoxoxo
    R.
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      
    i turned a phrase on my lathe
    but I got distracted
    by your face
    now it's overturned

    I love this. The way you were mulling over what to say and then forgot by the look on a face.

    i threw an idea
    on my potter's wheel
    but i was too ambitious
    it flew off the machine
    and stuck to the wall
    now it's overthrown

    I love this too. This is like musing on my own mad ideas that go round and round in my head. Good ideas that sometimes get rationalised into a splatt on the wall :)

    i posed a question
    as skillfully as a fashion model
    positions her body
    but the target wasn't listening
    it decayed into the atmosphere
    never again to pass
    through my disappointed lips

    This was sad. Sometimes no matter what we say it falls on disinterested or deaf ears.

    Needless to say another great work.

    Kate

    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]


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