I turned a phrase on my lathe
but I got distracted
by your face;
now it's overturned.
I threw an idea
on my potter's wheel,
but I was too ambitious,
it flew off the machine
and stuck to the wall;
now it's overthrown.
I posed a question
as skilfully as a fashion model
positions her body,
but the target wasn't listening
it decayed into the atmosphere
never again to pass
through my disappointed lips.
All of my work is wasted, banished;
all of my ideas are overwrought.
Someday I'll learn to let the words fall
and soar or shatter from their own merit or demerit
like word children given room to play
instead of facing my cruel discipline.
We all tend to think the negative when we speak or write thinking that our message isnt getting across But I know thru experience sometimes years later a person you gave words to comes back and just lets you know how much your words influenced there lives I for one do not write for the solemn purpose of getting pats on the back I write to let others know a belief system in ones life is strong and can carry them thru any obstacle
Take Care Ron
And thank you for your recent comments I corrected the mistake you pointed out Im glad you liked it Thank You Ron
I haven't been around in awhile; thought I'd stop in and glad I did. I like this one very much. reminds me of missteps and if onlys and some of the mistakes I've made! but it was light hearted and accepting. nice job! how ya been? I haven't kept up like I should and my modem was knocked out by a storm. just got a new one today. hope you're doing well.
The image of "allowing word children to play" is a great one, I can almost see you nurturing and disciplining your words into full, grown-up poems...such a neat idea. I really liked this one, it's so original, and the voice was really clear and honest. I really liked the line about posing your question like a fashion model...another neat thought. Great job.
that's quite a title there young lady, grabbed my attention for sure...and the body supports it...and I think I understand this and can relate to it...what I see is your attempts to write something special...trying so hard that you are overdoing it...reaching too far...you try and tell yourself to just let it flow, but inspiration doesn't always cooperate that way.
another excellent piece on the hardships of writing with high expectations of oneself. Very well done.
LoL I loved the opening of this. Getting distracted by a cute face. hehe Conor! :) The descriptions you used were good. Like the "idea" flying off the machine and the "target" not listening. I think that you did a great job because everyone feels like this sometimes. The words just aren't good enough or too much or just all messed up. :) I think we should all let our words just fall and soar for their own self. :) Much easier to write that way. Great piece! *Hugs* -blt
someday i'll learn: let the words just fall watch them soar or shatter of their own accord like word children given room to play creating revelations I'll share.
I hope you don't mind my playing with this, Amy dear. I love this poem, you have passed through a threshold of new skill with this one. It has a new and different form and it feels fresh. I won't have you being negative though in the last line. I have the edge of a perfectionist too, but it becomes an asset as I revel in editing, knowing when to stop is the key.
I added the semi-colon because I think this draws your theme even closer in my mind. Such small things I've done, but I think they serve you and this poem well. This one is a fave, my dear. Hugs and French Silk pie. Nan
'as skillfully as a fashion model positions her body' GREAT choice of words! This is a powerful poem and there's open for interpretation. Like when you said "all of my work is wasted, banished" To me, it feels like all your hard work has gone to waste on whatever it may be (love, etc.) I like your style of writing it's intriguing. <3<3
Well,I think you've succeeded in letting the world children play freely,and in fact,they soar from their own merit. All the words you choose to use,the way you phrase them,your work in general - none are overturned/overthrown/overwrought. None wasted or banished!
Holy crap! This was amazing. I am so glad to meet someone with similar thoughts about words. I actually have a joke with someone where I pretend to watch some words fall out of my mouth. Then we step on and smash the pretend words on the ground, and after that my friend picks them up and stuffs them back into my mouth. Ah, words are lovely things. And this poem is just a lovely. Wonderful piece, I must say. The only word in the entire thing that I don't think fits is 'cute'. For a poem with such elaborate words, 'cute' seems a little too simple.
Anyway, nice job. I like it. Er... okay, I love it.
I really enjoyed this dumplin'! The tone is unique. You state these things so matter-of-factly, but they are really quite touching. Your title and your execution of it throughout your piece is right on. My absolute favorite part is:
"like word children given room to play"
...love that. Sorry this is so short, but I am in a mad rush this afternoon to get the house picked up, the laundry done, and dinner on the table before little Savanna's softball game this afternoon. I may come back later to read this again. It deserves a second and third time around. Maybe more.