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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Please Hurry - rev 7/4/05dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 422



    Description:
       These are just some of the ideas that float about in my mind.

    Anything beyond right now is a collection of concepts and recalled sensations. Everything that exists beyond our minds exists for a piece of space-time that cannot be measured. It can only be experienced, never conceptualized.

    I am trying to twist the cliché of living in "the now" into a form that makes me see it differently.

    I guess it is just the game my head plays with my heart. Perhaps I should give it up, my heart always wins.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlease Hurry - rev 7/4/05dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I will not love you tomorrow,
    have never loved you before.
    I am emptying
    my passion account today.

    I am sorry to be so poor,
    but now is all I have.
    If you need more than that,
    I will have to pass.

    I have some time, just now.
    If you would like to share,
    but please hurry, love lasts forever,
    but all the now will soon be spent.




    Submitted on 2005-06-18 10:08:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this write Chrystine
    It has a very powerful message
    It shows that though one may lose a persons love for the moment as in an argument that love still remains with them and carries into the future
    I loved it
    In other words you as well as I and God I hope a lot of other people
    Know that to look ahead to the future will carry us thru

    Great Job!
    Ron

    And I really liked your idea about a three words per line poem
    I am going to do this

    Thank you for the idea
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-11-12 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm. Life is so hurried now. . . Can't you slow down a bit? That's what I thought as I was reading this. . . but it's well written. More later, I have to go. See ya!

    YouR oNe aND oNLY... JeLLY BeaN
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm. Life is so hurried now. . . Can't you slow down a bit? That's what I thought as I was reading this. . . but it's well written. More later, I have to go. See ya!

    YouR oNe aND oNLY... JeLLY BeaN
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      1st Stanza: Love as a bank account nicely handled with great binary oppositions, expressed simply 11/18 single syllable words.
    2nd Stanza: continues well 23/24
    3rd Stanza: ? This is totally out of keeping with the rest of the poem. It doesn't add anything either.
    4th Stanza. Great. It does add something and we've got the simplicity back. Solution delete stanza 3. I think this would be a much stronger poem if you did.
    Peace and love
    Comradenessie
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this very much indeed. It is a clear concept succinctly expressed. You are using the tenses of the English language to try and capture what Kipling called "the fleeting moment". Just think how much more difficult your task would be, if you were to write such a poem in Japanese that has no tenses as such. It is as if one language recognizes the nowness of experience and the other recognizes future memories.
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      Comradnessie wrote:
    3rd Stanza: ? This is totally out of keeping with the rest of the poem. It doesn't add anything either.
    4th Stanza. Great. It does add something and we've got the simplicity back. Solution delete stanza 3. I think this would be a much stronger poem if you did.

    I'd say only stanza 1 and 4 would be the strongest poem! They are the ones that snuck into MY heart and left an imprint. The other two interrupted the moment a bit.

    Great poem, at any rate. I like it. I really do. Keep up the good work.

    Cheers!
    - Nils
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by Cindergarden1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how you are very sincere in here. Honest and forward. I didn't really pay attention to spelling errors, I just got caught up in the words.I learned so much from like before. ABout love and everything. Or so it seemed.

    I liked this..
    I have nothing else to say cause I liked it
    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, I just came from a gig and there was this girl who sung Paula Cole's "I Don't Wanna Wait." I know it doesn't exactly possess the similar desire of this piece but it is possible that they are driving through a similar highway.

    I guess you could say that it’s all about using a little bit of brainpower when it comes to manhandling love.

    The thing about Life is, we only really know it when we get acquainted with Death. Once we become armed with the knowledge of an end to all this, we begin to see things clearly. Even under the blinding influence of passion we can regain our 20/20 vision. It’s quite a clever design.

    The first stanza is a bitquestionable. I think it’s coz we don’t really have monopoly over love. We can’t help it… but I guess it works in a sense that we do have the ability to convince ourselves to use spectacles until our eyes get back in shape.

    I remember you were able to comment on Tripping On Footprints (thanks for that by the way.) I think they have a similar voice in terms of choosing to move on.

    I too plan to invest my “now’s” on myself.

    Good luck to both of us.

    Keep writing.

    Lamb Chops
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      I thank you my friend, I so needed to laugh out loud today.

    Frozen in unsuspended animation.

    I find this to be so oxymoronic
    both sides of my brain just give up.
    you freeze frame my animation

    having learned some lessons on love today
    this was a powerful retreat into
    the magical forests of your kindness.
    I walk among the leaves rustling
    and know Great Mother loves me.

    you goddess, thanks so much
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      hey this is awesome.. gosh I can relate to this something chronic.. wow.. freaky.. its so true.. I love it.. I dont know a hell of a lot about poetry bu ti know what I like.. can I have this as favourite.. pleeaaaasee????
    thanx
    shaun
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ]
      Its very strange how we operate in terms of 'yesterday' and 'tomorrow', when really, there is no yesterday or tomorrow - just today....with the past and future only terms we use to obtain a better grip on Time, on life, on plans and all else.....

    I love the way you've chosen out to set this up - bank accounts, deposits and withdrawals, and used a scenario that said 'love affair' at first...but I think this isnt just about love...or about love at all, really....more about the 'now' and not the 'tomorrow at noon', and how only 'now' exists...

    I may be completely off the point, but this was a very carpe diem poem to me, and I loved it for that.....

    All the best,

    Katia
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by Katia | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the title, because it's such an oxymoron. How can someone hurry to be in the now? There is no time in the present. My favorite quote right now is one from the song "light in your eyes" be Sheryl Crow. It goes
    "Yesterday is only what you leave behind.
    It's only in your mind."
    I think that is so beuatiful and true. What happened yesterday does not exist. It did, but not any more. As soon as time is attached to something, it is no longer real. True reality exists outside of time. I'm not sure if any of that was realevant, but hey, you said you wanted thoughts.
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by Ratboy | [ Reply to This ]


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