Description: usually my poems are nothing but a sputter of words/emotions that just happen to pour out on my paper like they do.
this has kind of a rhythm to it. i was pleased with the outcome.
comment away. :)
the fuzzy channel -------------------------------------------
the rhythm of my footsteps across your aging hard wood floor
have echoed past your ears and you'll never hear it again
the comforting closeness of you
is completely lost in what i tried to gain
my ballerina lie
dancing around you so close
but as light as a feather it will never make a sound
the constant beat of my heart inside my chest
has rang in my ear and bounced off these 4 walls inconsistently
the reassuring beat of yours next to mine
is 2 towns over forgetting this car crash
your endearing eyes
they see right through my convincing mask
and never do they say a word of how that mask has blocked your fingertips
the piercing silence of complete nothingness
has driven me to my own madness inside this dwelling
the everything in you
has been forever gone as i strain my eyes to try to find you in the darkness
our complete undying love
a swirling mystifying memory
that i will never be able to grasp again
i tripped and fell.
and killed the butterfly landing on the grass beneath us.
I got this poem but I'd have to say this is one of my least favorites all ur other seemed so personal and I liked that and this didn't seem as personal I could be wrong but it was still good just not one of my favorites
I really like the title with this piece. It fits really well I think. You gave a lot of great descriptions in this. "Aging hard wood floor", "piercing silence of complete nothingness" were my favorites. :) The reason I think the title fits so well with this is because you sort of jump around to the different feelings and places you are in love with this person. First the hard wood floor, then together dancing, next your feeling of everything about this person, and then the butterfly on the grass. I thought the ending was really good. It gave us all we needed to know, as in mistakes happen, and then ended it. Sort of like a "Fuzzy channel". LoL That probably doesn't make sense but that's what I thought. Really great job! :)
In my own personally opinion This was excellent and nothing short Like borderline said, The descriptions in this piece were intelligent at least And the ending was very well done One small thing- It might- be better to use "Four" and "Two" instead of 4 and 2 =O Just me though Big Bill-
Submission Name: the fuzzy channel
