Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: last night...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: painofthanatos
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684/571/86
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Rant/
    Total Views: 872
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 891



    Description:
       dedicated to my *loving* boyfriend, fucking asshole...
    i swear to bob he's gone the next time i talk to him...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotslast night...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hyperventilating
    I breathe you in
    Cigarettes, beer, and pot
    These sweaty arms pushing me further into the couch
    As my hands are frantically searching
    For the knife I know is here
    ďCalm down, babyĒ
    You whisper in my ear before biting it
    But I canít
    Because it isnít suppose to happen like this
    Youíre trying to figure out
    How to get into my plaid pants
    As Iím trying to figure out
    How to get out from under you
    A car horn in my driveway throws you off balance
    And I run into your friendís arms
    Assuring him that heís not interrupting anything
    You climb into the van
    And you wink at me
    The smile that used you to make me feel so safe
    Now sends a shiver down my spine
    I go inside and lock the door
    Twirling a knife between bruised knuckles




    Submitted on 2005-06-18 15:11:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      WOW this is a great poem I loved it.. I love to read poems they make me feel sad but good.. I hope you get better... You don't need to cut. I shouldn't be talking though I have the same problem I'm a cutter I love to cut.. Anyway if you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here if you have myspace or msn mess.. you can add me
    alexdx90@hotmail.com
    ~*Becca*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-18 00:00:00 | by __B3cca__ | [ Reply to This ]
      Courtney- you know that we have so much in common when it comes to this subject but unlike you im not ready to tell everyone yet...im going to need someone there beside me when i pick my pencil up and begin to relieve that night when almost the same incident happened to me...you know that i am always here for you in any situation...

    this is full of emotion and the action...i felt like i was there with you reliving that night that it happened...

    i know that after getting this out that it has to of helped a little bit...i hope that SOB reads this and sees how much pain he cost you and knows that what he did was wrong...you deserve so much better and i know that you have found that with gary...your night in shining armor...(sorry gary at first i was gonna say your night in shining snail only because i am madly in love with gary the snail off of spongebob lol im such a geek)...oh and by the way if you ever go through this again...tell me who the scum bag is and i will be sure to inflict the upmost amount of pain possible to mankind...those jerks like that that are out there deserve only the worst to see how they treat us...

    until then girl...great write and keep them coming..
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by time2leave | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this definately had very real and raw emotion. im sorry because i figure its true. you did a good job of saying what went through your mind at the time and conveying how creepy this [censored] is.
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, this is full of a lot of action and emotion. I hope you feel better after getting this out, if that is possible. It all makes sense, but there was just one error that I saw, in the line :

    "The smile that use you to make me feel so safe"

    Do you mean the smile that used to, or the smile that you use?

    Anyways, I wouldn't waste your time even talking to the person if you're this angry with him. It sounds like he deserves to have his ass kicked, and you'd only be getting yourself into unneccesary trouble trying to solve the problem of him. He does not sound like he is a good boyfriend.

    Best of luck.
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by insipid sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Very very very good. I love it. This was very hard hitting, and so chilling to the core. I hope that ou gave that guy the Italian boot. He is so not worth your times, and I personally think that you should read him this poem, so he knows how you feel, or mail it to him, or something. What a jerk. He seems like a loser, and a waste of valuable poetry writing time, and valuable sex organs. Very good write, and hope you feel better.
    Peace and love,
    -Aya
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...very descriptive and I liked the part about reaching for the knife, but I thought it was going to refer to the one you thought had been place in your back, ya know? Its sad though when the smile you used to love becomes something you despise. Its not worth having that around. Best of luck to ya. Have a good one and keep smilin'
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, very vivid, and very powerful, I liked this a heap!
    Apart from the personal aspect (which just sucks) you've written this really well, setting the scene and pulling no punches at all.
    I love your description of his parting smile, it really came across as evil itself.
    Great stuff, now get rid of the creep!
    be Happy
    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Dammmmmmmnnnn! Sayyyyyy whaaatttt???

    Tyme to murder- murder most foul! Tru story I take it- so now I HOPE YOU TOOK HIM OUT!
    I would not use the word ďpotĒ, artistically speaking. Any one of the other million synonyms would do better. Fu<kiní guys. I swear. Iíd cut my penis off right now but it makes me too happi- lolful!
    Such is my curse. Oh well- itís not the weed or the booze that make a guy an @$$hole- itís his tru nature. No excuses... Hope heís gone and your plaid pants are zipped up, little one.

    Until next tyme I remain- !SiX!
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    63304

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Heroína written by MyPeriodical
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    Quoth The Skies and its limits written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Leyenda de Un Maldito Cobarde written by MyPeriodical
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by MyPeriodical
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Behest [krb + drb] written by Daniel Barlow
    That Kind of Love Never Brought Me Flowers written by Jazzy
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Blues written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry