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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I hold your hand, tilldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: theman
    ASL Info:    21/m/mn
    Elite Ratio:    3.52 - 496/478/149
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 604



    Description:
       Rough draft please comment


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots I hold your hand, tilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hold your hand till
    you fall asleep
    but I still look at you
    and I think about how sweet you truly are.
    I might not have the nicest car or the biggest rims
    but still all the other brothers are grinning
    because I have the hottest, sweetest, best looking girl all around.

    I hold your hand till
    You come up a front of me
    So I can stare into your eyes and then I can go touch the sky.

    Girl you know I love you
    Girl you know I care
    Girl you know your my everything and thatís why I will always be there.




    Submitted on 2005-06-18 19:54:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      oh my goodness! you pimp! lol. it was adorable. i loved it. i bet you just win those ladies over. lol. pretty sure all your comments are from the women out there too.
    | Posted on 2006-12-18 00:00:00 | by shayla8911 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nice. That's a great sentiment, holding her hand till she falls asleep. I'll say, after reading some of your other work, I am kind of surprised that you have this side to you. Everything else was raw and gritty, and then you write this sweet, almost angelic piece of poetry. It's really nice. By the way, thanks for commenting on my work!
    | Posted on 2005-09-12 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      aaaaaaaawwwwww, that is so sweet!(had to do that just because of how the poem is) well there are no spelling errors, and the flow of the poem is there from beging to end, this poem is short but it has a strong point that you like this girl a lot, and would do just about anything for her, it's good that you are able to write that down without it sounding cheesey, just becareful because girls change there mind a lot and she might not feel the same as you do(didn't say that to be mean but i've watched it happen and it's not a pretty picture)

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Very early 90s R and B, I could easily imagine Boyz II Men, or Genuwine singing it. The image is very sweet. Your adoration for this girl is very...well...adorable, heh. The only thing I would have done differently is that I'd punctuate the lyrics in the way that the reader has a general idea of how you want to sound, other than that..it's a very nice piece of work.
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]


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