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untitled


Author: 15yearsemotion
ASL Info:    17*F*Fl
Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 40 /41 /15
Words: 688
Class/Type: Story /
Total Views: 1073
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 3892



Description:


I have no idea where this came from. i'm not normally, morbid(?) even just this little bit......weird.......well, in terms of feedback, I just want to know if it's good or not. Be honest, but not brutally honest, y'know oh, and also, Ash I can see how it's funny now


untitled



mental picture:hundreds of chairs filled with hundreds of lost parents
on stage:a dark,16-year old in a wheelchair, ropes binding his arms and legs to it, his cold eyes staring out from sunken-in sockets, his greasy hair combed back in a way to suggest that a parent did it, only it's hard to believe any parent would touch him, with his pallid skin, a bead of sweat on his thick brow, the look he gave to the people handling him, with his lip slightly quivering from anger, ever so slightly, yet full of so much rage it is impeccably noticeable from behind the raw steel cage engulfing his face.
in the silence leading to the meeting, a woman is crying,"why?,why.."
she stops as words appear on the screen:
Parental Advisory: Mature Content
[underneath this is written words in black ink, somehow done by the boy, although the parents were assured that he would never be allowed out again]
Parental Advisory=shield your eyes and block your ears
Mature Content=there is mature content going on in the other room as you will see at the end, i assure you..
[the last few words were written in a color so red, it suggested in one's mind that blood had been used, yet that was impossible for the boy had been locked up ever since.....]
the screen fades, and the boy screams out in a heinous voice:
PARENTS! YOU HAVE NO CONTROL ANYMORE!!
It's lost, lost forevermore! [he pauses, speaks]
Your sons masturbate while you're asleep,
Your daughters quietly wipe off their sheets.
WHY?!?
I'll tell you why:
Because your sons stole their father's porn
Because your daughters' boyfriends are climbing out the window in the morn
THE CAUSE?!?
I'll tell you the cause:
Your sons were just curious,"just looking can't hurt"
Your daughters matured early and enjoy the perk
[a parent faints, but is ignored by the rest; the boy however, sees and says under his breath: one down.....]
HOW?!?
I'll tell you how....
Your husbands got tired of the same old thing,
Your wives backed out of teaching the swing.
The end is near for your cherished ones [he whispers]
[dead silence as the boy catches his breath in his chest and slowly turns his head to look at the doors in the back corner. He stares and has an amused look on his face as if watching someting enjoyable, yet there is only a door]
a parent stands up and screams:"I demand to know who you are and what you have done with them!!"
[the boy suddenly turns his head to look at the parent, an intensifying look of rage and contempt in his eyes as he screams out," You Demand?!! You demand nothing of Me! I Am Ruler Of This Earth! I, And Only I May Demand! [he yells out as he bursts from the chair and takes his evil form, the look of the boys still in his eyes]
[parents burst out screaming, paralyzed with fear; one parent takes a chair and attempts to run up to the stage but suddenly bursts into flames and within seconds turns to ashes; the room turns deadly silent]
Sit, Watch.[ they all refusingly obey]
[quietly] You ask what i have done with them, yet you already know Do Not Lie![ he screams as a man started to speak] I Know All! Sit! [he commands, as the man had stood to speak] Behold [he says quietly] Your Spawn!
[ the back corner door bursts open and the back wall falls, crushing half of the parents, killing them instantly though at this point it does not matter for the parents who had not been crushed were worse off; as soon as they saw the horrifying scene with their children, they dropped dead instantly, with looks of terror on their cold, pallid faces.




Submitted on 2005-06-18 20:43:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Btw people, I just realized that I didn't say what the parents saw because I like it better when you can visualize something else and use your imagination instead of being told and it not being all that great. It's different for everyone and if I had said what the parents saw at the end then you would probably be let down.. i have many different versions of what they saw and they're all Completely different. Basically, think up something! Make it good too.. ponder...
~the Author~
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by 15yearsemotion | [ Reply to This ]
  I wrote this sooo long ago, but i just thought of something. This could me my psychological view of teenagers and the wrong things they do. I don't know what I was really thinking when i wrote this but ah well, thats what I think now.
~Danielle~
| Posted on 2005-11-24 00:00:00 | by 15yearsemotion | [ Reply to This ]
  I love this piece! I really do. It has the suspense, a good end, it has action. Although it's serious, it's not depressing; it's actually fun to read. You captured me. Besides the use of the [] brackets (which drove to confuse me for a while, The piece is "impeccable"
Keep writing, pleeeeaaaase!
Treg
| Posted on 2005-08-11 00:00:00 | by treg | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey, it's weird all right, but it's also pretty good!
As short stories go, this was really neat! Different, it had a start, a story and an end, and didn't get boring at all.
My only advice is "heinous" voice...not a good word to describe a voice, I'd pick another adjective, and, in the part where he takes his evil form, tidy up the dialogue a little bit.

Overall, quite good indeed, well done!

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  This really good. Out of morbid curiousity, why didn't you describe what the parents saw? The message I got out of this was that the generations destroy themselves, but that the older generation aids the younger, and so-on. I'd love to know the thoughts behind this. Please let me know.
| Posted on 2005-06-18 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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