Description: i wrote this about a friend. well...i suppose she's nothing to me now, but i have been thinking a lot about her & how our relationship ended and had to write something.
comment away, my fellow poets. <3
my love is fickle
like beating the innocent
she takes what she wants
and leaves the rest to rot
laugh in the face of fortune
because you couldn't have what they had
like a greedy child with your hands open palmed
you reach for what you don't deserve
she tramples the weak because that's in fact what she is
with a facade like 'love is useless' and you can't believe
but she once loved me
weak.
weak.
that's indeed the fiber of your being
with gentle caresses
and undying twirls of the pen on paper
you and i would rise above in overwhelming passion
and you weren't weak
as if growing apart like two trees on each side of the earth
could change the magnificent love between us
but it could
and it did
and no longer do you look at me with glowing blue eyes
and say 'you made my day'
but, hard masks of hate and anger
because you're too proud to admit you killed us.
I think I know who this one is about to I really liked the line like a greedy childed standing open palmed that was a very good line right there all youir poems are great I wish u came out wiht more I hope u start writing more now
This was really good. There's an ex-friend of mine that this could've been written about... she's crazy. But anyway... I like how you didn't only focus on your having been seperated, but also on how things used to be. I also loved that you said that the friend wasn't weak. It seems like a bit of a lie to me, but maybe I'm thinking of my own story. It does feel like it just flowed from you and that you didn't have to try and find words. I love poems like that. And the last line, it's just powerful. Thanks for sharing. -Adaria <3
What you write is very consistent; descriptive, filled with imagery and remarkably honest. Stay true to the power of observation because that's where the strength in your poetry lies. Nothing about your writing feels forced or false. You have a lifetime of piercing insights ahead. Shalom.
Awww! This is so very sad. :( Who is this ex friend? Do I need to hurt them for you? *hehe just kidding!* I have friends like this though. Well, ex-friends. Who are like you said "too proud to admit you killed us." I like that you put "us" in there instead of something like "me and you". Friendship is a relationship too. It's an "us" and often times people forget that. This is wonderful though. I really liked how in the middle stanzas you described how it was to be together with this friend. Sort of like a tribute. Then like your friendship, the poem takes a turn for the worse. :( Sad. I'm surprised more people haven't commented because this is like mega good and everyone can relate. *Hugs* Great piece.
Submission Name: malicious malificent
