On my arms and on my sleeve by bloodwing

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Submission Name: On my arms and on my sleeve dots

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Author:	bloodwing
Elite Ratio:	3.37 - 453/512/118
Words:	248

Class/Type:	Rant/Alone
Total Views:	491
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1403

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On my arms and on my sleeve dots

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A lie
This life, it's all a story
I could be anyone at anytime anywhere.
Nothing I say will matter, and you can never be sure who is writing this.
Rest easy, I don't care, and you probobly don't either.

Your smiles your friends your scars.
You can guess wich are more honest.

So honestly when did it lose meaning? Our words, our lives. When did the fact that I care become a liability?

Just save your breath.

Honestly. Is love ever real? I've been searching for so long and nothing. I get these scars and this fire and these tears with those smiles. It's nothing.

I'm so afraid of what I can't become. Of what I know I'll never be. I'll never be able to write this there. I'll never be able to feel this in any other way shape or form. You know I can. You know I will.

I hate how nothing is a secret. Anything I express is turned to fire and thrown on these bridges. I hate it.

I hate how I wear this on my sleeve. It's broken, and I know I shouldn't be proud, but it's better on my sleeve than on my wrists.
I'd rather wear this on my wrists, on my arms. My chest my face my side. Bruises and cuts show more than drooped eyes and a shallow face. I wish I could wear this on my arms.

Submitted on 2005-06-19 11:46:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I'll spare you the psychological response, it seems that you've gotten enough of those. I will stick to the piece, author to author.
I find that the emotion of the pieces is crystal and very hmmmm frenetic... like the repeating of a machine gun. tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-strike. At first I didn't really recognize 'why' you had so many unnecessary periods until I realized that they were indeed necessary for the stop and go. There are a few places that could definitely use commas which wouldn't hurt the flow (actually I think it would assist).
On second read, I ended up liking the allusion to the burning of bridges. I don't know how intentional it was but it well imagined.
Over all, I felt there were some spacing issues, but as you had not really classified the piece it may or may not be important to you. In terms of conveying an emotion, however, I give you high marks.
Keep the pen well inked and seek improvement/growth wherever you can find it. Write about everything and anything, even the mundane and never be afraid to completely tear yourself down to build it all back up. Writing is the only art form where you paint with your words.
Keep on truckin!
| Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by homeless | [ Reply to This ]
  wow. i hope everything turns out okay for you, and that line is completely over-used and you probably dont even care coming from me, but i'm being honest at least and that might be a first. anyways this had so much emotion i couldnt just read it and not tell you how great it is, even if its just your thoughts written down in a moment when you were emotionally unstable or whatever. i'd like to say i know what you're going through, but i dont even know the situation but seriously dont forget you're still you without who ever hurt you.
| Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
  "I can relate!" is supposed to be a bad comment, but what the heck, I really can relate.
Technically,though,I love the way you play and place the words,the sentence structures. The whole piece,too,not just individual lines.
BUT if you're actually feeling this way - don't. Love IS real! And there's hope left in this life.
Nice write.
| Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice...very nice. It's a rant, so expect deep seated anger, and that's what I found. But you're indignancy was cold...the dangerous kind. It flowed to well to be poetry, it's almost song...or even water...because those are the only things that I can slip through like that. It read quickly and easily, but I was still hanging on every word. The bit about wearing the bruises on your sleeve, in lieu of your wrists is a nice touch. The strong where their broken hearts on their sleeves. Think of them as battlescars. They distinguish you from the rest of the world.
This is an absolutely fantastic read.

Now, about the bit on love. You have to stop searching, love will find you, when you least expect it. The only thing must search for is hope, and that's inside...and sometimes that is the darkest place of all. But hope should be easy to find...it's the only light.
| Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
  i truely have missed reading your stuff...
you have a voice like none other and it never ceases to knock me for six... this write is no exception...

you seem all over the place in this write and yet you know exactly what you are on about... you seem completely unstable and yet you are solid in your stance... am i making any sense...? prolly not...

you are not you and yet you are... you could be anyone but you are not... you are you and you are writing though i think you are trying to fool yourself more than anyone else that you are you... or admitting you would rather be someone else right now...

So honestly when did it lose meaning? Our words, our lives. When did the fact that I care become a liability?

WOW and OUCH! caring becoming a liability... ive never heard such strong expression as this before... i can see perhaps for caring to be seen as a liability it would have to almost be a smothering kind and yet... if words and lives are meaningless then caring means nothing and so can just be seen as something that has to be accepted and repaid (one repays liabilitys in accounting i think i remember from 5th form...)

I hate how nothing is a secret. Anything I express is turned to fire and thrown on these bridges. I hate it.

the feelings turning to fire and burning bridges is an awesome image... seriously... i wanna be like you when i grow up! where do you get this from?

like steph said... you are still you without the person who hurt you as hard as it may seem and i dont think you need to be looking for love... it'll sort you out when your ready...

take care sir boy...
| Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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