Our Lives, In a Day -------------------------------------------
Lets;
wake
and watch the sun rise,
laugh
and dance in the rain,
swing
and watch the moon rise,
lay
and talk under the stars,
whisper
and fall asleep holding each other,
love
and live out our lives together.
This is a very short poem, but I love it ^_^
It's true: the ending seems to pull it all together, ultimately, since the last two are the only ones that rhyme.
It gave me a good mental image. Though, maybe that's just my imagination. Made me smile.
As brief as it was, there was no lack of emotion in it. you should make it longer, it's wonderful now but with added length it would be even better -though that's just my opinion... There was a powerful feeling behind the words, a great write for certain.!
Aww..I really liked this...made me miss my boyfriend really bad...but in a good way! I liked the breaks between the lines...and I just liked the overall pictures I got in my head of two people completely in love..watching the sunrise..dancing in the rain and holding each other. Brought a smile to my face. Thanks. Great write. ~hailie~
Leala, What a nice way to spend a day with the one you love. I like the visual aspect of the poem and the simplicity of the thoughts . Can't think of anything I would change except perhaps not using the word 'watch' for both the sun and moon. Perhaps 'see' the sun and 'watch' the moon.
This is really a great poem, i love the way you express yourself threw your words and the way that your emotions are poured into you writing Keep up the good work...Your a great artist , but everyone needs practice...its the only way to succeed! Well great write.. RandiKae
Wow, this is so good, and it's short, but it's not short at the same time, because the emotion you get from this is endless. I think that it was a great poem, and that you are really good at expressing yourself, and feelings into words. Also, the imagery from the poem was great also. Peace and love, -Aya
well first of all...you're killing me. here i am in the desert, and this had me thinking of my girlfriend like you would'nt believe...you made me miss her that much more...so thank you ma'am, i needed that...lol. good job on this, it was so simple, but it's something that everyone feels, or should feel, i think. Makes me think of all those "simple pleasures" in life. thats a good thing to be reminded of, so, i thank you for writing a good poem like this
I love this! "whisper and fall asleep holding each other, love and live out our lives together."
That ending to me seems to bring this all together, I love the way that the whole poem, however short it is, speaks to everyone in their own set of memories and experiences. Favs list for sure, Hope to read more, cya round.
Submission Name: Our Lives, In a Day
