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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Streets and Templesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cindergarden1
    ASL Info:    18 Male Sweden
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 43/58/17
    Words: 177
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Dark
    Total Views: 720
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1328



    Description:
       This poem is about an overdose. I don't do drugs so it's not autobiographical. Oh well, enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStreets and Templesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My head's against the tile
    The breathing too heavy
    My mind's wrapped in ache
    And the illness will levy
    Go away
    Please

    My tongue's pumping red
    The bitemarks are deep
    Take what I have
    But don't make me speak
    Go away
    Please

    Leave me alone
    I have nothing to say

    The siren's too loud
    The drugs are too weak
    Fill me with anything
    But don't make me speak
    Take me away
    Please

    Leave me alone
    I have nothing to say

    The streets are lit
    And wheels are rolling
    The temples are empty
    And the bells are tolling
    Another day
    Please

    Leave me alone
    I have nothing to say
    It's not my fault
    You'll learn one day

    I'm scared, I'm hungry
    I'm naked, I'm weak
    Tied down with tubes
    And I don't want to speak
    Go away
    Please

    White sheets are comforting
    To rest my tired hands upon
    And I'm confining my confessions in my mouth
    Needles, leather straps
    No pain
    And I'm starting to feel well again





    Submitted on 2005-06-19 20:04:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have done a good job of completing a 'dark' poem. It seems like I kind of got the idea of the suffering but I am not sure exactly what kind of suffering and by what cause. Perhaps you could just work on the poem a bit more and convey your initial idea better, but overall it has a good flow and cold imagery.
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by Shahdin | [ Reply to This ]
      I've actually overdosed before, unfortunately, and there are a couple of things in this that reminded me of the incident.

    "I'm scared, I'm hungry
    I'm naked, I'm weak
    Tied down with tubes
    And I don't want to speak
    Go away
    Please"

    I wasn't scared, but I was hungry, I had to get naked and put into robes, I was weak, and I never looked more disgusting. There were iv's in my hand, I had things tied and stuck to me because of EKG's, and the worst part was drinking the charcoal...that is what leaves you hungry, it totally depletes you of everything.

    "My head's against the tile
    The breathing too heavy
    My mind's wrapped in ache
    And the illness will levy
    Go away
    Please"

    This kind of describes how I felt right before I was completely out...it was a horrible experience, one that I have written about, but haven't shared, and am thinking maybe I should now...

    You did a really nice job, not having gone through it yourself.
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by insipid sky | [ Reply to This ]
      This takes me to a place that I don't like to go. Obviously not a pretty picture and I think that is the point. Nice job on depicting it. Vivid and real sensations. I like that the scope is kept only within your own perceptions of the situation. That makes it more real for the reader. An intense read.

    Good Job!
    | Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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