Streets and Temples by Cindergarden1

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Submission Name: Streets and Temples dots

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Author:	Cindergarden1
ASL Info:	18 Male Sweden
Elite Ratio:	4.69 - 43/58/17
Words:	177

Class/Type:	Lyrics/Dark
Total Views:	218
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1328

Description:
This poem is about an overdose. I don't do drugs so it's not autobiographical. Oh well, enjoy.

Streets and Temples dots

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My head's against the tile
The breathing too heavy
My mind's wrapped in ache
And the illness will levy
Go away
Please

My tongue's pumping red
The bitemarks are deep
Take what I have
But don't make me speak
Go away
Please

Leave me alone
I have nothing to say

The siren's too loud
The drugs are too weak
Fill me with anything
But don't make me speak
Take me away
Please

Leave me alone
I have nothing to say

The streets are lit
And wheels are rolling
The temples are empty
And the bells are tolling
Another day
Please

Leave me alone
I have nothing to say
It's not my fault
You'll learn one day

I'm scared, I'm hungry
I'm naked, I'm weak
Tied down with tubes
And I don't want to speak
Go away
Please

White sheets are comforting
To rest my tired hands upon
And I'm confining my confessions in my mouth
Needles, leather straps
No pain
And I'm starting to feel well again

Submitted on 2005-06-19 20:04:07 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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3: meh!
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||| Comments |||
  You have done a good job of completing a 'dark' poem. It seems like I kind of got the idea of the suffering but I am not sure exactly what kind of suffering and by what cause. Perhaps you could just work on the poem a bit more and convey your initial idea better, but overall it has a good flow and cold imagery.
| Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by Shahdin | [ Reply to This ]
  I've actually overdosed before, unfortunately, and there are a couple of things in this that reminded me of the incident.

"I'm scared, I'm hungry
I'm naked, I'm weak
Tied down with tubes
And I don't want to speak
Go away
Please"

I wasn't scared, but I was hungry, I had to get naked and put into robes, I was weak, and I never looked more disgusting. There were iv's in my hand, I had things tied and stuck to me because of EKG's, and the worst part was drinking the charcoal...that is what leaves you hungry, it totally depletes you of everything.

"My head's against the tile
The breathing too heavy
My mind's wrapped in ache
And the illness will levy
Go away
Please"

This kind of describes how I felt right before I was completely out...it was a horrible experience, one that I have written about, but haven't shared, and am thinking maybe I should now...

You did a really nice job, not having gone through it yourself.
| Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by insipid sky | [ Reply to This ]
  This takes me to a place that I don't like to go. Obviously not a pretty picture and I think that is the point. Nice job on depicting it. Vivid and real sensations. I like that the scope is kept only within your own perceptions of the situation. That makes it more real for the reader. An intense read.

Good Job!
| Posted on 2005-06-19 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]

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