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The weather forecast was wrong It promised sunshine in Glasgow And moist, humid nights in London But you must have flipped the map Of our country upside down The heat wave won’t reach me Pressure depreciates Passions subside No, the atmosphere has deemed London Unworthy of blossom But graciously granted Glasgow A meteorological breakdown Emotional downpour Brewing thunderstorms Climax at night And temperatures drop Parachuted by ‘icy roads’ warnings And I find myself in Glasgow Alone Wiping away three inches of rain That pool around our frigid bed |
I like. The 'heat wave won't reach me' stanza is only 2 syllables short of being a haiku. It is strong enough to stand on its own too. "No, the atmosphere has deemed London Unworthy of blossom" ...just beautiful Katia. I love any use of the 'word' blossom...so much possibility, so much meaning (and metaphor). Don't mean to sound repetitive, but the entire poem as a whole has a haiku sensibility to it. A nature poem of the highest order. A haiku of this depth would be dynamite, but there just isn't room enough in 17 syllables to contain the 'passions' and 'emotion' of this one. Subtle as ever..in your hands..with no waste of words. Love how your 'Alone' is all alone on that line. Sort of feels like it couldn't be any other way. If this was my poem i would further isolate that 'Alone' by making it lower-case; but then you'd have to change them all, Huh? Probably mess the whole thing up. Just nitpicking here, but i would also lose the plural of 'roads' and drop the -s off the end, so it doesn't slide-so-slippery like into that 'warningS' Still looking for an offering of yours that DOESN'T strike me as remarkable. Was this a journal once? Who flipped the map? see you later K. | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ] | Icy road warnings? In June? Hope not-geez I'm glad I live in these parts [maybe you want to emigrate ;-) ]. This is a good weather poem. Like it a lot. | Peace, Joey | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ] | Either this is a really touching testimonial to a distraught and frigid home life or a really bad metaphorical pot shot at your local weather station's news anchor. | Either way, it got the job done. In any given circumstance however, if you don't like the forcast, you can always relocate to a different climate more suitable for you. And that is a truism for either scenario as well. MyX | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ] | Beautifully done. It starts off innocently enough and I enjoy the play on words and geographic differences but the build up to the ending is what I like the most... the emotion gets stirred in along the way until your throat becomes constricted with unspent tears and in wiping away the rain I wipe away tears... frigid drops of colorless pain that could never have been predicted by any weatherman. Got to love it! | | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ] | what does the weatherman know of love? He can barely guess at the weather after all...great idea executed to perfection and this is why you have become so loved and appreciated around here so quickly. You always have good ideas and you always seem to know exactly where to take them. We should all have such a command of the English language. | Over here we're in the midst of a heat wave...unfortunately we can get burned in the sun too | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ] | Well, I now have even one more reason to love my wife, Chell. She was right to talk yoy into posting this and I'm so glad you did! | I love metaphorical pieces like this that make sense and are just ... "easy". As readers we don't hjave to spend time thinking "What did she mean here?", Hmm "What does that mean?". A good metaphor tells you what it means; that's what it's there for. You've done a great job here. I could quote the parts I like, but I think that the be the whole poem. Steve | Posted on 2005-06-26 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ] | it wont let me... | it says Katia made the peice and I am screams. sometinmes I wish I wasnt screams.. soemtimes I want to change my name to "philo Philo" | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ] | Thank you, thank you, thank you! | The way I read this was not just in reference to the weather, but in realtionship to the heart. It's one of those days that you expect things to be wonderful, and everything is wrong. A first date, with a hottie, and your skirt gets tucked into your nylons. Or expecting a romantic night with that someone special, only to find out he's married with children and you mis-read all the signs. That's how this reads to me...Thanks for posting it for me ![]() -Chell- | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ] | Dern weather forcasts...you think you are going somewhere where the atmosphere should be bright and sunny because of your surroundings, yet find yourself in a rainstorm of realities emotions. What good is the doppler if it doesnt correspond with the wind in the air? Not, yet, about the weather. Clever write ma dear. Have a good one and keep smilin', even if your map seems to be upside down right now...hee-hee. | | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ] | But graciously granted Glasgow | A meteorological breakdown Emotional downpour Brewing thunderstorms Climax at night And temperatures drop Parachuted by ‘icy roads’ warnings I love the double meaning I get from this. It reads quite well and engages the reader. Good job! | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ] | Hmmm. Cool, all around. I'd drop weather and just make it forecast. Leave it a bit ambiguous. | Why did "it" promise but "you" had the map upside down? With a shift in syntax you could have the forecast promising. But who exactly are you accusing of having their arse where their head belongs? Who is the "You"? Also I'm not understanding the phrase "parachuted by icy roads warnings" perhaps that is Brit phrase. But I loved the close, take care, Dave | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ] | wouldn't change anything...i can't possibly be critical of something so deep from something so everyday...it's funny the way one little everyday thing can stir up a fire of emotional creativity in us...it's absolutley fantastic...you are amazing! | -t | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by chalky | [ Reply to This ] | A "frigid" night in Glasgow? Not an uncommon occurance. One should always be prepared for the "weather", but as always we are not. We are burnt by the "sun", soaked by the "rain", and frozen by the "cold". Certainly in a relationship it is the "cold" that disheartens. But then, a properly worn kilt could make anyone frigid. Somehow I sense this was not the case, it wasn't a cold spell under the kilt, but a lack of passion, that made the night so icy cold. | This is a terrific write. It may have started frivilously, but ended in emotion. I loved it! Phil | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ] | The weatherman doesn't know sh-it.Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. This is such a unique write Katia. You started out with this matter of fact way of speaking and then I realized that you weren't talking of the weather at all and suddenly there was a sudden shift in the barometric pressure and your poem became something else entirely. This is superb...you can actually see the piece start to feel. It builds to a beautiful finish. Maybe the weatherman would be better at writing horoscopes...those are never right either. You have done it again dear girl. | love and chocolate sodas (hee) R. | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ] | I am sitting here thinking . . . how many of your poems have I read, now? And what percentage of those have I made favorites? It's very high, I know. I gravitate to your work and it amazes me because I'm generally somewhat particular, yet you seem to have your finger on the pulse of something that beats inside me. This isn't just mind-numbing praise, or at least I don't mean it that way. You once seemed shocked that I'd stalk you but this is why. Even a noncommittal piece like this . . . I find very satisfying. What jars me the most is this idea that you're using a language that isn't your primary language, if what I think I know about you is true <though I admit, that's not much and I could be mistaken!> And I have not even commented on this particular poem, I know, but it was something I wanted to say for the record. So let it be written, so let it be done! | Yeah . . . I can best show my appreciation by adding another favorite to the pile. Yeah. I know. <And no, I haven't been supplanted by aliens a la "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." Nah. I'm for real. | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ] | |