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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Remind Me With Laughterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LadyChaos
    ASL Info:    19/F/DE
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 718/606/95
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 918
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 885



    Description:
       any thoughts.....besides grammar mistakes?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRemind Me With Laughterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tears sting at my eyes,
    My memory of you
    Is fading.

    Your image is faint
    although it's summer now-
    It's covered in snow.

    Your distance
    Both physical and not
    Make it so difficult to cling to your fading picture
    Your laugh is foregin now, but
    I can see fragments of your smile
    You're eyes are the same honest blue
    Honesty, with a hint of sadness
    But still blue.

    Who is this ghost on the telephone,
    Pretending to be you?
    He's familiar
    He lacks your passion...
    He lacks your optimistic hope.
    Who is this half-hearted imposter?

    I might be crazy,
    But I know that isn't really you.

    I can hardly remember the glow that made me love you.
    Remind me with your laughter




    Submitted on 2005-06-20 19:45:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Honestly...I think this poem was great! Right when I started reading it I pretty much burst into tears...thinking of my best friend I was so close to years ago... I miss her so much..but, of course you were talking about a guy...and talking to him on the phone...I don't get to do that with my friend..but hey...anywayz..this poem was really good..I liked it alot.

    Kris
    | Posted on 2007-01-16 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      i really like your writing!... and...wow! i try to refrain to use that word too much on this site, but WOW! ok..onto the poem...
    i really liked the first stanza, with the "is fading". nice...
    in the second stanza how u said that summer is covered with snow, really describes how much pain she's in.
    i liked how you extended the way she doesn't remember him anymore..in the third stanza, you mention the laughter that's fading in her memory, gives the reader more insight to what she's feeling..
    that's what i like about your writing, you really take the reader into the character's feeling{as i said in "As Lost as my Thoughts"}
    in the fourth stanza, how you describe{i've used that word a lot..whoops} how you feel like he has changed...
    the ending was just perfect!
    great write
    cheers
    deeps
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by DeepsLighter | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting poem... Your grammar can be better...
    "You're laugh is foregin now" should be:
    Your laugh is foreign now

    "Your image is faint
    although it's summer now-
    It's covered in snow."

    Can be reworded... I like the idea, but I'm sure you can do better.

    Great job! Lots of passion, keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by GwendolynGrace | [ Reply to This ]
      Great idea for a poem, the titile initself gives it depth. The poem portrayed great emotion. I agree with everyone else, you should probably double check you poems to see if you made any gramatical errors, i know i make plenty. You might want to make the flow more consistent, that would improve it drastically. It was very good, and original! :)

    **I.N.D.E.L.I.B.L.E._I.N.K**
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by Indelible_ink | [ Reply to This ]


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