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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Letters from Ninth Grade Englishdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: queendepricate
    ASL Info:    24/female/milwaukee
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 74/97/37
    Words: 440
    Class/Type: Prose/Longing
    Total Views: 1088
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3030



    Description:
       I am corresponding with my ninth grade English teacher whom I saw again after almost ten years at a friend's funeral. We send witty e-mails to eachother, and would like to meet, but are hesitant that reality might not live up to the fun we're having now...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLetters from Ninth Grade Englishdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In her fifteenth year,
    She was but an Artemis,
    armed with a consistently cracked shield of conformity
    and arrows dipped in the pestilential wells of pubescent grief.

    While nubile nymphs pranced around him,
    vying for a meaningful glance,
    She remained in her chrysalis,
    oblivious to this Mars peering through the gaps...
    sketching her emerging form long before it emerged

    With wings unbound and flight plans etched across Apollo's skies,
    vibrant streams of color to rival St. Elmo's fire...
    She found herself, one day,
    carried by a virulent wind to that tree,
    which vibrated under the first timid knocks of her wings against the webbed walls

    For Demeter had pacified Persephone's winter sorrow
    by granting her daughter an attendant.
    Persephone crossed the river Styx... hands laced with those of a muse

    The nymphs feigned mourning,
    while tabulating their percentile
    in "the maturation" beauty pageant
    While the new creature,
    ne Artemis,
    whirled in the apathetic tsunami of mortality.

    And in this spiraling of grief,
    she passed the temple doors
    Acknowledging a gaze of smiling awe from the man,
    whose prophetic intuition had been realized.


    Realized...and then evolved
    With a correspondence allowing her a jezebel mask,
    and Lauren Bacall drags of her cigs,
    each falling ember of ash
    the dropping of one Salome's veils.
    She feigns the invocation of Lolita, ignoring Celemine's insidious whispers...
    For with each double click of the "Send Now" button
    Heloise' prayer clasped hands pry open.

    His words are her daily bred
    And she dines on
    Hors D'oeuvres garnished with nostalgia
    and salads dressed in timidity
    She cleanses her palate of propriety,
    with sorbet
    And sips her vodka tonic, her throat bathed in
    the fiery purity of his confessions
    She swallows a bouillabaisse of daily strife and victory
    spiced with witty barbs and self deprecating humor,
    distilling the wafting aroma of thinly veiled coquetry


    For in her twenty-fifth year she willfully beckons the inner Aphrodite,
    and has made peace with her Artemis.
    He invites her to dance,
    and she is bemused by their symbiotic rhythm
    The song on the jukebox is on repeat...
    an ancient Wurlitzer sheltering Echo.

    Change the song.... ?

    Will the Gods remonstrate,
    with the ringing of an alarm
    To wake this Puck induced perfection
    Or, could a Mid-Summer's night dream,
    really exist in the stark rays of daylight and reality?


    One would have to press another song...
    to see.




    Submitted on 2005-06-20 20:43:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have an intriguing way of phrasing things which I really like " armed with a consistently cracked shield of conformity" being an excellent example , but I'm afraid I'm going to agree with babyblue002 in that the imagery loses its smooth with the transitions from mythology to TV and back again . Being a literate person I was able to understand how you meant these things but the transitions were somewhat distracting . I think you have a unique style of expression and as afore mentioned your phraseology is impressively creative . I like your emerging style . I'll be back to put another dime in the jukebox .
    Later
    Bruce
    | Posted on 2011-04-07 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read this 3-4 times, and it weaves such a spell around me. It is such an appropriate way to describe the evolution of a female poet; and the affair with words with the former English teacher is mesmerizing. I assume most of these mythological characters (And Shakespeare) were touched on in 9th grade. It is seamless, IMO. 1st reading it seemed to jump from myth to modern, but more reads & it makes sense. My favorite lines -and Lauren Bacall...Salomes veils-perfectly seductive and so evocative!
    Funny that I kept reading your name as queenpredicate, b'coz 1 definition is"to affirm an attribute or quality of something", which you did here lyrically-a sensitive teen grows into an accomplished confident woman; hands are laced in rescue and then unclasped & open ...to what, perchance another song will tell us?
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by CleoCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      Even with its length, this must of been the most in depth poem I have read. The whole poem seemed to lull me into some sort of trance, I just wanted to read more. The style, and rhythym of the poem was impeccable. I don't think you could really do anything to change this poem. The title was something that threw me off completely, I didn't expect to read something so stunning. I guess that's why I like surprises and unexpected things. :)

    -Segniust
    | Posted on 2005-06-25 00:00:00 | by Segniust | [ Reply to This ]
      This stanza is my favourite of the entire works:

    His words are her daily bred
    And she dines on
    Hors D'oeuvres garnished with nostalgia
    and salads dressed in timidity
    She cleanses her palate of propriety,
    with sorbet
    And sips her vodka tonic, her throat bathed in
    the fiery purity of his confessions
    She swallows a bouillabaisse of daily strife and victory
    spiced with witty barbs and self deprecating humor,
    distilling the wafting aroma of thinly veiled coquetry...

    It paints a picture well. Seems that it gives her strength mainly.

    I'm not sure that I have ever written anything with such depth. You'd have to spend a lot of time on it to understand is what i think...or maybe we are in a totally different 'writing class' but also by the title i would never know i was going to read something like this. maybe the title needs some reference to the greek gods also or should give off some more of a hint to the style of the poem.

    - t
    | Posted on 2005-06-20 00:00:00 | by chalky | [ Reply to This ]
      I will tell what I think is wrong with it.
    You have lost track. You started with the mythological theme, continue with it.

    Do not enter modern times stars or food or authors etc...

    Stick with the mythological theme, or the modern one.

    Yet I think the mythological theme is much more inventive, harder to do I admit, but it is much more interesting.

    The shifting between eras is kind of annoying. Even if u have some really nice imagery in the "modern" ones. U have a typo though, u wrote bred instead of bread.

    This is what I think is "wrong" with ur poem, the reader tends to lose focus, and it is a tad annoying. But this is just my opinion u can always not share it.

    Hope I offered u help though

    Viviane
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by babyblue002 | [ Reply to This ]
      Where to begin?! It is a hard read (for me), but it pays off what with Wikipedia :): It is a captivating story.

    S1: I like this stanza. You embrace and give significance to your rendition of Artemis' trappings. Your detail of a cracked shield indicates well the (as i see it) human problem (here conformity) that curses this divine Artemis. Her "pestilential" arrows give me the idea that she is none too happy with her predicament. She is discontent. "Wells" implies the depth of her grief. Nicely done.

    S2: details, details, but why do you switch to allusions of a Roman God? Your other mythological god allusions restrict themselves to the Greeks. The 'martian' oracular anticipation of her forms is another example of how you artfully avail yourself of divine character, here with a prophetic divination. With "sketching" it's as if Mars yearns to take into his own hands the beautiful development of this Artemis: The reader is expectant! Chrysalis is such an unequaled image of awaiting development and future beauty!

    S3 Mb: "And vibrant streams of color rivaling St. Elmo's fire," flows better? "that tree"? Which "tree"? The whole tree vibrates under her "timid knocks"? What say you to "against the confining trammels of her protective cocoon'?
    I'm just averse to "webbed" (arachnophobia you might term it) and "wall" sounds pedestrian or unevocative.

    S4 I may be confused about the events of this stanza. Our Artemis has now become a Persephone right? Mb you can give more meaning to this attendant. For example, what might this attendant embody in helping Persephone across the river Styx? LOL. Ok i got it all wrong. So actually the new attendant is our Artemis right?! Well done. I'm slow with age. What can i say?! j/k. Mb "For Demeter pacified" makes the action more immediate...The reader is then spared the gymnastics of different time frames (may have been my personal problem when i at first misunderstood this stanza).

    S4 Why do the nymphs feigh mourning? I like the cynical description of these profit seeking nymphs. Why "apathetic" rather than pathetic; or fateful, impassive or indifferent, if you prefer to keep the uncaring component of "apathetic"? "Apathetic to me sounds like a sloth rather than the exacting and indifference of fate. :)

    S5 Mb admiration is better suited to a god than "awe".

    S6 I like that "falling ember of ash/the dropping of one Salome's veils." Still, what's a Salome without a third person victim? I couldn't find the reference to Celemine...So is this an allusion to internet correspondence? [I just noticed the context of the poem. Hehe! So woo hoo it makes sense] It's an interesting development in the story. I appreciate the 'evolving' tone of the poem encompassed by the the mythological progressing to the modern day allusions. Is "Heloise" a reference to the nun whose love lead to her lover being castrated?!! Not sure about that one.

    S6 This stanza is awesome. However, it seems out of place with the rest of the poem. It's an intense and delectable gastronomical evocation, but may not be in harmony with the rest of the poem. Hm.

    S7 This is a perfect marriage of the Greek mythology with some modern day accoutrements reflecting her blossoming.

    S8 Who or what does Puck represent in the poem? How about: "Will the Gods remonstrate with alarm/Or, could a Mid-Summer's night dream, /etc"

    S9 i personally like "to find out" better than "to see" because it seems more of an exhortatory invitation than the phonetically dying sound of to seeee...lol.

    Ok. Great read. You are a solid poetress your Highness, that you are!
    Raz
    | Posted on 2005-08-24 00:00:00 | by razmohin2 | [ Reply to This ]


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