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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shatterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TD
    ASL Info:    34/f/Aust
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 92/81/21
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 906
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 890



    Description:
       I was really very reluctant to post this. It is different for me, and was prompted by a local ABC radio report on the psychological effects that this abhorrent behaviour has on kids. I also volunteer at a clinic at a homeless shelter once a week, where I have come across a few similar cases. Not sure about the poem, but the clients stories at the shelter and the report have made it difficult for me to think of little else lately.

    I truly hope it does not offend, and if it does, please let me know and I will remove it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShatterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silently and tensed she waits it out;
    The shifting shadow that stalks her door.
    Back and forth, it overshadows sleep,
    As she battles guilt and fear once more.
    Then suddenly it pauses mid-step,
    An apparition that blanks her mind
    Of tainted devil touch and hot breath,
    That shatters her spirit, long resigned.

    When she returns to her darkened room,
    Musky sheets poisoned with well-known scents,
    And thin legs bruised from the crushing weight,
    She bundles up the pain and repents:
    "It's how families love each other";
    "He says, the most natural in the world";
    And if she refuses what he wants,
    Then she won't be daddy's little girl.

    A shadow of a man, corrupted as he grew;
    Long ago he was daddy's little boy too.




    Submitted on 2005-06-21 07:51:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was so phenomonally and creatively done (by the way, I cant spell, so bare with me). You paint a piognant picture here with out giving to much detail. The poem, like the ryme scheme, is suttle.

    I think the last stanza ties this up so perfectly. It is so unexpected from you to go from her to him, but how you do is perfect. The repeated history is so interesting and intence.

    This is a really touchy horible subject that you handled very well. good write. You will be hearing more from me.
    | Posted on 2005-08-09 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      Gutsy! I think it is courageous of you to post this. It is a glimpse of the seemier reality of society today. Children are being exploited endlessly, forced to take on tasks meant for adults. Look at the ages of gymnasts, figure skaters. tennis players, and now golfers. Basketball, and baseball are now drafting from high school. Sexual exploitation, at the hands of family, friends, influential people, and just plain rapists, cover the headlines nearly every day.

    As a society we must face this, and come to grips with it. All too often we sweep it aside, in favor of more pleasant topics. Our children are besieged by violence, sex, and drugs, and we appear helpless. Stronger laws are not the answer.Iit is the moral base of society that has been lowered to the point where this is feasible. Only, an increase in that base will prevent this. Let's not use our kids as advertisements, sports heroes, rock stars, or other social icons, and things just might improve.

    Sorry for the rant, but your poem does drive one in that direction. It was poignant and terrifying, sad and disheartening. You have portrayed the fear excellently.

    Suggestions:

    Last two lines - First line - Drop "that" and change "it" to "he". Second line - Drop "Because". Make it "Long ago he was (a)"

    A very heavy and somber subject that you dealt with as tastefully as possible. I hope you don't pull this, it is important that we all realize, just how commonplace this behavior has become.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a brave subject to write about, and I think you've handled it well. You've managed to get a nice rhyme scheme going whilst still steering away from clichés, and written something that is actually very emotive. I like the inclusion of the end couplet that makes the point about this kind of abuse recurring in families, that is an important issue that needs adressing; there needs to be proper support for victims of child abuse. I admire you for helping out at a shelter, it must be hard if you have to deal with cases like this.

    This is a very courageous and well-written poem, i don't think it will offend anyone. xxx
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by tulip | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful...I thought i was the only one who wrote that...I wrote earlier "House of broken dreams". It is an issue that seriously affects many people's lives and to be able to discuss it to the public is something that needs to be done.
    When i read the title, i thought it would of been something completely different but now that i read the entire thing, i thought that it was well handled by you.

    I don't really understand why you made it 8 lines for each stanzas twice and then end it with only two lines. Seems like you ran out of words and that had me wondering. Nothing else really bothers me in this piece.

    I am glad i read it cause now i feel more secure that i am not the only person who wrote on this subject. You really handled it well. Well done
    Peace...Irina
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]


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