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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secret Societydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indelible_ink
    ASL Info:    20/F/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 143/109/25
    Words: 359
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 797
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2021



    Description:
       Can you relate to this, is there a way to improve, please write it here. A poem about the unnoticed, about the ones who are hurt, about the ones who hide it all inside.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecret Societydots
    -------------------------------------------


    We have all our little obsessions
    Keeping our worlds in the utmost discretion
    Hiding behind the shades, behind the walls
    Even if weíre at the point of blade, or about to fall
    We are scared to scream for help, afraid to tell anyone
    We donít trust the world, so we resign to being shunned
    I am one, I am apart of this secretive society
    Filled with cares, fears and lies in me
    I hide it all in and hide behind my propriety
    The only thing youíll know, our only notoriety
    Is that when we canít take it anymore,
    Weíll have a crack within the door

    We all have our little precautions
    Telling the truth has not become an option
    So we paint our faces like grinning clowns
    Burying ourselves, hoping not to be found
    We hold in our tears, and force our smiles
    Anything for you to steer clear, miles and miles
    I am one of them, do you see the association?
    Do you see the signs, do you see the vexation?
    Or do you just see my smile, just see my elation?
    Cuzí itís all fake, Iím just filled with frustration!
    Irritation, because you donít want to see
    you donít want to help me be free!

    We all have our little defenses
    High security, with barbed-wired fences
    We lurk within our strongholds our protection
    Hoping not to fall, not be under closed inspection
    We never tell anyone give us off as uncomplicated
    So that youíll grow bored, and find us outdated
    I am one of them, subjected to this incarceration
    The peoples ridicule slowly grinding on my patience
    The selfishness, not caring of my lifeís duration
    Continuing to tear me down, with such deliberation
    That it why I donít trust, I donít tell
    That is why I canít move from my shell
    For I am one of them, apart of this society
    we hide ourselves, filled with anxiety




    Submitted on 2005-06-21 11:29:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's very true about opening yourself to people some will take that as a green light to tear into someone. I have thought keeping myself locked up was the best way to be. ever since May of this year, things changed then, the dam burst so to speak. now the real me is out there some will not like it and others will. would i ever go back to locking myself up?...well that does happen often when im very hurt but i think im a new person now I'm unable to locked down for too long, i don't think i can remain locked up. that is what this write does to me. well done,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this and can relate, but You need to work on the rhythm, or meter, whatever! the subject matter is good, the content is really good - some forinstances:

    self-made prisons for our own protection
    avoiding at all costs any closer inspections

    That is why I do not trust, that is why I do not tell
    And why I don't move from under my shell
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      I relate very well to this. it sucks, doesen't it? A few little comments, and then all this. I'm sick of it. [censored] this.
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by WD20x2 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good i relate cuz i was once a part of that society. you flow was good but a little slow but i really could understand where we were going.Keep it up i like your stuff hope to read more im in phx where are you
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by suzanne | [ Reply to This ]
      the image of the clown... one used quite often but it doesnt sound too over done here...
    a favourite song of mine says:

    Do you think me faithful
    do you think me a clown
    i put on this shirt
    put on this hat
    wore all this pain just for you

    and these lines were playing in the background as i read this write... it makes me sad that people cannot be who they are or live what they feel... i understand how it works and how hard it is but it makes me sad coz im not sure, ideally, it should be that hard... freedom of expression is a basic human right and yet very seldom is it excersized these days and usually it is ourselves who shackle it in fear of what others think... i guess we're gotta be remembering they do it too...

    anyways... i like the way you start each stanza with "We all have our little ..." it involves the reader in the write and encourages them to identify but it also brings the writing into the mix and therefore makes the reader feel less intimidated... ya know what i mean? like the writer is being open and honest and not pointing the finger and comdemning the reader but rather saying they know what its like... i think that is cool and very well done whether intentionally or not.

    i must say though that i got kinda lost with the way you changed person from 'we' to 'I' throughout the write... i dont know if its just me or if it is confusing but it threw me somehow...

    you know... i only just realised now that it rhymes. (now you dont know me right yet so ill just tell you now that i dont handle rhyme too well coz it seems so fake and plastic often) when i was reading this i didnt even notice the rhyming which means its been done REALLY well! seriously... i am impressed!

    so all up i really like this write... im off to check out more of yours...
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      thanx for all your comments even if i did not understand the hot coco part your write i have written to many poems or thoughts probably 3000 or more but havent posted that many
    i like your views on society but when you lock yourself up away from others you are only cheating yourself i like the line we all have our security that made me think of my insecurity
    anyways great post and very enjoyable read you should read sounds of life or my child they are good poems
    thanx sandman
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


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