Description: I wrote this when I was tired, and I was just stressed out. Please give me your comments and critique, thanks!! :)
Sleep -------------------------------------------
Fall away
Rock into slumber
Let your imagination soar
Don’t let your heart encumber
Your dreams
Let you soul rest
In the bed of divinities
Take your sword on imaginary quests
And fall off into unknown worlds
Let your spirits fly away
Over vast mountains
Let your mind drift and stay
Doze into the life’s fountains
Close your eyes and be pulled away
Into the land you were led astray
Grab on to the lullabies
Of anxious muses
Who try
To take the world you insist on holding
Let it go, let your heart have molding
Don’t resist your tired urges
Faint away into the deep
Take all the time to heart’s content and
Let yourself sleep
i think in general that you are a very descriptive writer and that works well for you. This work as a whol was good, the flow was a little rough at the beginning but ather than that the descriptions were wonderful! i felt like i was there while you were talking. I thikn your type of writing would benifit from some grammar to make certain lines stand out more. maybe something like:
"Who try, To take the world you insist on holding. Let it go, let your heart have molding Don’t resist your tired urges, Faint away into the deep Take all the time to heart’s content and Let yourself sleep"
just a thought but i gives some of the more powerful lines, more power! great job here. keep writing *Samy*
Wow this is a very good poem. It keeps who ever reads this attached and keeps them reading with its powerfull words. With a few touch ups this will be an exelent poem
speaking and representing the underslept (or alternatively those who do not believe in sleep) i must say you make sleep sound wonderful and im dead jealous i never find sleep these days... perhaps i should try believing for a night or two and see if its as wonderful as you make it sound...
you are very descriptive in your writing... you paint the most amazing images and pictures with your words and you still rhyme without stressing me out. its awesome to have you here!
It should be Let your soul rest instead of let you soul rest. But then again you said you were tired. :) "Let your spirits fly away Over vast mountains Let your mind drift and stay Doze into the life’s fountains Close your eyes and be pulled away Into the land you were led astray Grab on to the lullabies" I really like this part,it painted a vivid picture. This is another good piece from you. If I hadn't looked at your asl I would never had thought you to be 16. You have a wonderful vocabulary. :) LeAnna
I really connected with this piece. I always seem to have dreams that I am flying above mountains, soaring. I believe that when u sleep, ur soul gets to play and get its rest at the same time. I also like the way u set it up. the first line being short, and the last one as well, kinda stars out soft, grabs ur imagination, then ends soft in order to let u sleep. great work
Hmm, I just got up and this poem makes we want to take a nap..zzzz (lol). But seriously this is a very good piece of work. I enjoyed reading it. You've put this together well, and it fits, from beginning to end, to make your readers "visualize" your meaning. You started "rocking" me into this poem right away, and that's good. I like the part about "falling off into unknown worlds". It's nice to get away from "this one" every now and then isn't it? This would make a very lovely "lullaby". Very well done. Nice work! ~Sandra
Submission Name: Sleep
