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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sleepdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indelible_ink
    ASL Info:    20/F/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 143/109/25
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1186
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 796



    Description:
       I wrote this when I was tired, and I was just stressed out. Please give me your comments and critique, thanks!! :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSleepdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fall away
    Rock into slumber
    Let your imagination soar
    Donít let your heart encumber
    Your dreams
    Let you soul rest
    In the bed of divinities
    Take your sword on imaginary quests
    And fall off into unknown worlds
    Let your spirits fly away
    Over vast mountains
    Let your mind drift and stay
    Doze into the lifeís fountains
    Close your eyes and be pulled away
    Into the land you were led astray
    Grab on to the lullabies
    Of anxious muses
    Who try
    To take the world you insist on holding
    Let it go, let your heart have molding
    Donít resist your tired urges
    Faint away into the deep
    Take all the time to heartís content and
    Let yourself sleep




    Submitted on 2005-06-21 17:42:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this poem, one of the peoms I like the best so far. I really like sleeping too!
    | Posted on 2006-11-05 00:00:00 | by Gothic Misery | [ Reply to This ]
      i think in general that you are a very descriptive writer and that works well for you. This work as a whol was good, the flow was a little rough at the beginning but ather than that the descriptions were wonderful! i felt like i was there while you were talking. I thikn your type of writing would benifit from some grammar to make certain lines stand out more. maybe something like:

    "Who try,
    To take the world you insist on holding.
    Let it go, let your heart have molding
    Donít resist your tired urges,
    Faint away into the deep
    Take all the time to heartís content and
    Let yourself sleep"

    just a thought but i gives some of the more powerful lines, more power! great job here. keep writing
    *Samy*
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by samyalone | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is a very good poem. It keeps who ever reads this attached and keeps them reading with its powerfull words. With a few touch ups this will be an exelent poem
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by Roguex | [ Reply to This ]
      speaking and representing the underslept (or alternatively those who do not believe in sleep) i must say you make sleep sound wonderful and im dead jealous i never find sleep these days... perhaps i should try believing for a night or two and see if its as wonderful as you make it sound...

    you are very descriptive in your writing... you paint the most amazing images and pictures with your words and you still rhyme without stressing me out. its awesome to have you here!
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      It should be Let your soul rest instead of let you soul rest. But then again you said you were tired. :)
    "Let your spirits fly away
    Over vast mountains
    Let your mind drift and stay
    Doze into the life&#8217;s fountains
    Close your eyes and be pulled away
    Into the land you were led astray
    Grab on to the lullabies"
    I really like this part,it painted a vivid picture.
    This is another good piece from you. If I hadn't looked at your asl I would never had thought you to be 16. You have a wonderful vocabulary. :)
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      I really connected with this piece. I always seem to have dreams that I am flying above mountains, soaring. I believe that when u sleep, ur soul gets to play and get its rest at the same time. I also like the way u set it up. the first line being short, and the last one as well, kinda stars out soft, grabs ur imagination, then ends soft in order to let u sleep. great work
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by laniejane | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, I just got up and this poem makes we want to take a nap..zzzz (lol). But seriously this is a very good piece of work. I enjoyed reading it. You've put this together well, and it fits, from beginning to end, to make your readers "visualize" your meaning.
    You started "rocking" me into this poem right away, and that's good. I like the part about "falling off into unknown worlds". It's nice to get away from "this one" every now and then isn't it?
    This would make a very lovely "lullaby".
    Very well done. Nice work!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


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