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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Betrayed to Embittermentdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Indelible_ink
    ASL Info:    20/F/AZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 143/109/25
    Words: 250
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 1401
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1437



    Description:
       There are times, when I've been hurt so much by someone, that I feel as if my heary will never soften for them. Please give me feedback!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetrayed to Embittermentdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A devious smile as you torched my soul into ashes
    Maniacal laugh when you gave me these gashes
    Yet my breath still struggles from my lips to depart
    And my beat still creeps to emit from my heart
    With much detestation my fire still burns
    To my disgust, you realize and finally turn-

    Like a dog to his vomit, you come to me and pray
    That I will forgive you, like some overused clichť
    Yet I will not stand to be entwined in your machinations
    Vengeance is mine; soon youíll agree; I have quite the imagination

    I hope with longing, that you cut yourself on my shattered heart
    As you try to piece, what we had together, like some deranged art
    Iíll bind my hands as you drown in my forgotten tears
    Youíll be washed by its waves but youíll never be pure

    Youíll be crying in anguish, but I still see the tears from laughter
    As I was imprisoned in my misery, and you were the captor
    Youíll be screaming in pain, but I still see you screaming in anger
    While I try to run away, but you use pain for my anchor

    Not a tear will drop when hells flame grasp your spirit
    Donít expect me to cry for your tormented scream- when I hear it
    The clocks struck their time, far in the past our love you sold
    So like a never-ending winter, to you, Iíll remain bitter and cold




    Submitted on 2005-06-21 21:02:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You had great word choice in this piece. You put such vivid images in here as well. this piece almost sounds morbid but its not. Your rhyme scheme didnt detract from the piece as it sometimes does in other pieces. Very brutal image of betrayl at its most raw. Excellent job.
    | Posted on 2005-06-21 00:00:00 | by rockunsilenced | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good it just grabbed me and made me want you to keep going you are truly gifted in the word department and visonary. hope to read more of your stuff. i'm also from az. yes very awesome loved it.
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by suzanne | [ Reply to This ]
      Like a dog to his vomit, you come to me and pray ?? This line confused me a bit. I don't exactly get the metaphor. Otherwise, I think this is a good piece. It is ery descriptive and it makes you visualize. Good job.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-06-22 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful!

    I hope with longing, that you cut yourself on my shattered heart
    As you try to piece, what we had together, like some deranged art
    Iíll bind my hands as you drown in my forgotten tears
    Youíll be washed by its waves but youíll never be pure
    Loved this - so young and so talented! keep writing! I love it!
    | Posted on 2005-06-23 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]


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